Jurassic Park III

It was always easier for me to answer the question “What is your favorite movie?” (Titanic) than its opposite, “What is your least favorite movie?”  For a while, it was some film I regretfully saw in theatres when Elektra (which I only saw because Jason Isaacs was featured in the first five minutes) was sold out The Cave.  I barely even remember that movie anymore, and I only ever list it as my least favorite movie because I could never think of anything I’d disliked more.

Then I re-watched Jurassic Park III.  This may come as a slight surprise to those who know how much I love dinosaurs and the Jurassic Park franchise.  For some reason, ever since I was a little kid, I’ve been extremely fascinated by dinosaurs.  It might have been stemmed by the lengthy The Land Before Time animated movie series, but it was enhanced by the first two Jurassic Park films, both of which were directed by Steven Spielberg.  My favorite dinosaur?  The mighty Tyrannosaurus rex.  I know a lot of people loved the Triceratops and were dismayed to learn that it never actually existed.  Personally, I never quite understood the love for the three-horned dino.  The T. rex was always my absolute favorite, and I’ll probably never be able to explain why.

Jurassic Park III was released in 2001, about four years after The Lost World: Jurassic Park was released.  I’ll readily admit that sequels are rarely good (think The Hunchback of Notre-Dame II), but some I actually like.  (The Lion King II: Simba’s Pride, Toy Story II and III.)  Yeah, I know those are all Disney films, but that’s beside the point.  Another sequel that I loved was The Lost World.  It’s actually my favorite out of the two films, although this might be because of the T. rex’s many appearances and his foray in San Diego.

When I found out that there was going to be a third film in the franchise, I was extremely excited.  I never saw it in theatres, but I received it for Christmas that year.  (Maybe I was one of the only ten- or eleven-year-old girls to get it.)  From the moment I first watched it, I didn’t like it.  My first impression of the Spinosaurus was that it looked extremely fake.  I rarely watched it after that.  If I did, it was to remind myself why I hated it.

I did that very thing last night.  I watched Jurassic Park III for the first time after many years of abstinence.  I had just finished watching the first two films, and I guess I naïvely wanted to finish the trilogy.  Only now I wish I hadn’t.  It made me realize that The Cave was never my least-favorite film, Jurassic Park III was.  They could have done a much better job, and they completely screwed it up.  And here’s why in my opinion.

First of all, the appearance of the Spinosaurus is pretty messed up.  Why?  Because in the first book and movie, it is stated specifically that there are only fifteen species of dinosaur.  Of them, about four are carnivorous: the T. rex, the Velociraptors, the Compys, and the Dilophosaurus.  We see repeatedly in the book a listing of the fifteen animals that were cloned.  In the movie, when Dennis Nedry is stealing the embryos to give to Biosyn, we see all of the animals there, as well.  Spinosaurus is not one of them.  The story of the third movie takes place on Isla Sorna, the island on which Ian Malcolm is marooned in the second film, and also known as Site B where the animals were first created before being moved to Isla Nublar, the site of the actual park.  We see the bulk of Isla Sorna in the second film, and none of the dinosaurs seen there are unexpected.  Then, suddenly, in the third film there is a Spinosaurus.  Dr. Malcolm never crossed paths with it, neither did the huge caravan with which he was traveling.  And yet, in the third movie, the thing is absolutely everywhere.  The makers of the film knew there was a plot hole, too.  At some point, Billy—the trying-to-be-noble-yet-cute-and-idiotic grad student—says, “I don’t remember [the Spinosaurus] being on InGen’s list.”  Dr. Grant replies, “That’s because it wasn’t, which makes me wonder what else they’re up to.”  And that’s it.  We don’t actually get an explanation as to why the dinosaur is there, just an acknowledgement that it shouldn’t be.

Another thing is the Velociraptors.  Never mind the fact that the movies already make them bigger than they were in real life (they were man-height, not a couple of feet above it).  Apparently, in the years separating the second movie and the third, evidence was uncovered that indicated that Velociraptors might have had feathers.  This, of course, supports the underlying theory of the trilogy (and Dr. Grant) that the dinosaurs all evolved into birds, rather than being simultaneously killed by a meteor.  This is fine.  However, what about continuity?  The raptors didn’t have feathers in the first two movies.  Yet in the third they look completely different with no explanation as to why.  They just are.  And now, because science discovered that they were much smarter than originally was thought, so are the ones in the movie!  Now they can talk to each other, which they couldn’t necessarily do in the first two movies.  So the raptors in the third movie are much, much different from the ones in the first two films, which is extremely irritating.

Another issue I have with the movie (yes, I’m still going) is the lack of animatronics replaced with CG effects.  I understand that CG is necessary when animals are running or flying.  But it was used way too much.  The first two films managed to make much more realistic dinosaurs with its animatronics, rather than resorting to cheaper CG.  I was never once scared of the Spinosaurus, due simply to the fact that it looks so fake.  And even when they did use an animatronic of the Spino, it still looked fake!  Steven Spielberg’s hand in this film is almost nonexistent.  His own dinosaurs were miles better than the ones featured in this film.

But back to the plot.  Why did the group rely on Mr. Kirby’s satellite phone to call for help?  Why couldn’t they go to the communications building like in the second film?  Or is that too repetitive?  I understand that InGen went under and is completely bankrupt, but surely they could have raised someone on the radio.  Instead they go to a river, as well as the nursery where the dinosaurs were originally hatched.  Not to mention some aviary that shouldn’t be there.  (Again, where did the Pterodactyl come from?  Of the fifteen species, the only flying one was the Ceradactyl (which eats fish), and that wasn’t even in the first movie.)  If the dinosaurs were only born on Isla Sorna and not raised, why would an aviary be needed?  They should have sent the dactyls off to Isla Nublar before they were really airborne and able to fly away and escape.  And there’s an aviary full of unexplainable Pterodactyls.  I understand that the book The Lost World contained dinosaurs that weren’t on Isla Nublar; I don’t remember the exact explanation given as to their appearance, but there at least was one.  There’s no such thing in the movie.

One last thing: all of the characters, with the exception of Dr. Grant and Dr. Sattler, are extremely annoying.  Why did they find it necessary to write the most obnoxious family in existence?  I found myself wanting them to get eaten just so they’d shut up.  There’s something annoying about each new addition to the cast, but I won’t get into that.  Rest assured: THEY’RE OBNOXIOUS.  Unfortunately, the main family didn’t die.  I was hoping they would.

Anyway, that about wraps up my rant as to why Jurassic Park III is horrible.  Stay tuned for a review of The Casual Vacancy by J.K. Rowling in which I state why it’s so underrated.  WOO!  (Or you can just run away and not read it.  That’s fine, too.)