"I'm sick of complaining about a beautiful life."

The title for this blog post comes from Seether's song, Tonight, which you can see on the left for my "Song of the Day."  I'm not saying that I go around complaining about life, saying it sucks, or what have you.  But, throughout my life, I have had some not so great things happen.  And now, as I've gone through the past year, I've realized that I do have a beautiful life.

I know I already made a post about a one year anniversary, but this one is different; the last one was about this blog being a year old, and this one is about me having been in Missouri for a year.  Lauren and her folks, David and Deb, surprised me with a sort of anniversary party at their house tonight.  There was a wonderfun balloon, my favorite dinner, and they even got me membership for the Titanic Historical Society!  It's so EXCITING!  I'm quite happy.  Words cannot express how grateful I am to my second family for everything they've done for me.  I only hope I can repay them one day.

Another thing slightly new: I have officially decided that I will go study abroad in Quebec next summer.  I must.  Truman has a program at the University of Laval in Quebec City, and I must go.  I really feel like it's time.  I can get financial aid, and maybe scholarships, and I really think I can do this.  It will be for five weeks, so basically the month of July.  It would seriously be the most amazing experience ever.  I really hope it happens.

Here's to what'll be another awesome year!

A Year in the Life

I just learned that this blog, as of a few days ago, is a year old.  Other than my personal journal, which is about two years old, I've never been able to be consistent with blogs, so this is quite the achievement for me.  I know I make a lot of posts where I look back at what has happened since a certain point, but bear with me.  A year ago today I was preparing to leave Kentucky, where I'd lived for three years, for Missouri so I could finally begin college.  This year has been so very far from easy, but I will never say that it hasn't been wonderful.  I have achieved so many things in the past year, and spending it all with my two best friends has been a dream.  I've gained a second family while here in Missouri, and I wouldn't trade anything for the world.

But, like I said, it's not been easy.  No one ever told me that college would be easy, but everyone has said it would be worth it.  So far, this advice has held true.  It's not just college that's been the challenge, though.  Being away from my family is very difficult.  It has been six months since I've seen them, and it will probably be another six months before I see them again, provided I get to fly home again for Christmas.  It is especially difficult now to be away from them knowing that my uncle, who lives all the way out in California, has cancer.  Things have been so incredibly difficult, and there are times when all I can do is just cry.  For a while I was in shock.  I seemed to be thinking, "Wait, this only happens in books; this isn't supposed to happen to me."  I wasn't used to feeling this kind of hurt and worry for someone.  I learned how quickly things could change in the course of a day.  How in the morning I would feel so much hope and by the evening my world would be rocked.  Again.  And I've been reexamining the things that can keep my world from spinning off its axis.

I spent a large part of my adolescence being very depressed.  I contemplated suicide around the time that I was thirteen, but I have never been more glad that I never did anything about it.  I love life.  It's not easy, and sometimes it's not fun, but I have been blessed in so many ways, and I thank God every day for the people I have in my life.  Seeing how positive and optimistic my uncle is about everything has made me realize how wrong I've been when I've said "life sucks" or something like that.  I love my uncle so very much, and I pray so hard that he'll get better.  But even through these struggles recently, I can't stop fighting or give in.  I've always been the type of person who sees the glass as half-empty.  It's very difficult for me to be positive when I see how bad things can be.  But I'm trying.  And that counts, right?