I’m going to be very, very honest with those few who happen to read this. There’s something that’s been building up inside me that needs to finally be said. You may choose to judge me, you may decide to remove me from your friends list on Facebook. If that be the case, so be it. I will not beg on my knees for you to stay, because I will not change who I am to gain someone else’s favor. If you’d rather, go ahead and skip this whole thing. But it needs to be done.
I was a raised a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. To those who don’t know, we are nicknamed Mormons. Growing up, I received a lot of questions and grief from my peers curious and judgmental of my religion. I defended it even though I wasn’t quite positive what exactly I was defending. I followed and obeyed the religion without question because it was what I had done all my life. It was only fairly recently, as in a few years, that I began to open my eyes a little wider and step out of the box in which I had been sheltered my whole life.
As a Mormon, I cannot drink coffee or tea. I’m fine with this, since I hate both with a zealous passion. (Although pour a whole bunch of sweetener and milk in the former until it’s practically no longer coffee, and I’m good to go.) I cannot drink alcohol. I cannot smoke. I cannot have pre-marital sex. I cannot wear tops that do not cover my shoulders or bottoms that do not reach my knees. I cannot listen to, read, or watch explicit material. Goodbye Megadeth, Titanic, and The Simpsons. I won’t lie and say I’ve always been a perfectly devout Mormon. I was raised by people who weren’t perfectly devout. My dad watched The Simpsons and played the game Diablo, and so did I. I listen to the explicit versions of Enimen’s songs, I don’t close my eyes during the nude scene of Titanic, and I am a big fan of dirty jokes. Am I going to Hell for it? No. But despite this, I still encased myself in the protective Mormon bubble.
It wasn’t until I got older that I began questioning things and wondering. I knew I would never be like the picture-perfect girls my age who were, well, perfect. I believe I was worldly enough to wonder. I grew up in California; God knows you can’t be that sheltered there. You’ve got homosexuals bumping into homophobics on the corner where there’s a drug dealer and a prostitute. C’est la vie. I met people who weren’t, gasp, wholesome. I came to love these people, who were good people despite the fact that they weren’t Mormons. (It can happen, you know.)
To go to the Mormon temple, you are interviewed. In one such interview, I was asked if I support things the Church is against. I said “no,” but I later realized this is wrong. Why? Because I would, without a second thought, march down the middle of the street with a rainbow gay pride flag held high above my head. There are people I love who are supposedly considered abominations. People who apparently choose to be hated, and ridiculed, and judged. My own family. How could I stand aside and support the religion that calls my loved ones unnatural and abominations?
It was once suggested to me that homosexuality is merely a weakness that God has given to people so that they might learn to overcome it. This is wrong. It is those with sickening prejudice against those who are different from them who have the weakness they must overcome. There are those who live with fear and hate in their hearts, who scorn and judge others for things that do not concern them. These are the people who will ascend to paradise? There is a Mormon primary (children’s) song called I’m Trying to Be Like Jesus. Jesus loves everyone. He sits with the whores and the lepers, and yet we, as his people, condemn them. Some of the greatest people you will ever meet are gay. Some of the worst are straight. Who is going to heaven? God tells us not to judge others, right? But by assuming that what one does is a sin, that is judging. Who are you to tell me that I’m a sinner? It is none of your business. Worry about yourself. I am not asking you to talk to everyone, to approve of everyone, to like everyone. Just accept them as human beings and then step aside. It is not your job to decide who’s going to earn their wings.
I am far, far from perfect. I miss being Mormon, but if the Church does not allow me to be part of it while fully and loudly supporting those I love, then I cannot be part of that religion. I will not believe in condemning others’ souls in favor of my own. (Besides, I personally feel that Heaven will be extremely boring without all the amazing non-Mormons I know and love.) I do not turn my back on the Church, nor do I reject it. I merely stand aside. This may not concern you at all, but it needed to be said. I needed to be honest with myself and those I love. By following God’s commandments and loving one another and my neighbor, I am a Christian. The knowledge of this is enough for me.
