Highlights of 2011

For me, in six hours and thirty minutes, 2011 will officially be over.  And I can brag and say that I'll be in the new year before my friends back in Missouri.  (I'm writing this from Kentucky, where I've been since Tuesday.)  This year has definitely been a whirlwind.  Looking back, it has all revolved around one thing: college.  Each month had something punctuating it, something marking it as memorable, whether it be in January when I sent out applications, in February when I was accepted to Truman, or any other month.  I can easily say that this has been the best year of my life.  Some highlights?

• Being accepted to Truman State University on February 7.
• Raising my ACT score from 24 to 27 in April.
• Starting this blog, of course.
• Moving from Pikeville, Kentucky to Kirksville, Missouri in June.
• Spending a week in New Smyrna Beach, Florida.
• Seeing the final Harry Potter movie.
• Getting my first job at the Classical and Modern Languages/English and Linguistics department.
• Starting college and moving into the dorm.
• Being part of the French play, Dormez, je le veux and receiving the lead role of Justine.
• Meeting all the awesome people I have at Truman.
• Getting red highlights in my hair and chopping most of it off. (Although now I'm growing it back.)
• Seeing Ludo in St. Louis one week and Trans-Siberian Orchestra the next.
• Meeting Al Pitrelli, Andrew Ross, and Angus Clark.
• Meeting Hana Pestle at Truman.
• Spending Christmas with my second family in Missouri.
• Spending the week after Christmas with my first family in Kentucky.

I'd definitely say it's been a good year.  Happy New Year & Bonne Année!

Finally finals

The day has arrived, ladies and gentlemen; today I shall take the first final of my college career.  Despite the fact that finals in general have been going on all week, my first hasn't been until today.  Which exam is this, you ask?  Logic.  My journey with Logic has definitely been an easy one.  I've found it to be a difficult subject, and I required quite a bit of tutoring.  It is, however, rather unfortunate that I'm just now finding it to be not that difficult towards the end of the class when it doesn't matter so much anymore.  But still.  My professor, Dr. Burton, has been amazing.  Honestly, with the combination of professors I've had this semester, there are only two that I've really liked; there's never really been any sort of in-between.  I either really liked them or they scared the living daylights out of me.  If I hadn't been lucky enough to have these two professors, my first semester would probably have been much more brutal than it was, and I probably wouldn't be returning after my visit to Pikeville this month.

So!  What has Ashlee been up to in the past fifteen days?  Last weekend, as a way to de-stress before finals, the lovely roomies and I headed to St. Louis on a rather impromptu trip for a concert.  The band?  Ludo!  They're a somewhat local band that's gotten huge, and they're really, really awesome.  Think of their genre as "nerd rock."  It took place at the Pageant in St. Louis, in an area that would have been really cool to explore if we'd had time.  We spent the majority of the day at the St. Louis Galleria, the best part of which was spent in the newly-opened Disney Store, where I finally got the plushy of Nala from The Lion King, which has been my cute childhood dream.  So I finally got my Nala!  YAY!  Lauren got a plushy of Jack Skellington dressed as Santa Claus from The Nightmare Before Christmas.  She is quite charmed by his wide smile, which is rare on Nightmare merch.  The kicker?  They were only ten dollars each.  At the Disney Store, this is an INSANE price.  Especially for medium-sized stuffed animals.  I literally gaped at the cashier for a moment; I hadn't realized they were on sale.  But yay!

Cute, isn't she?

Then we went to Hot Topic, which is an interesting tale.  Kat and I like Megadeth, right?  Right.  Their new album, Th1rt3en, was released on November 1st, right?  Right.  So obviously there was a new shirt available at Hot Topic.  (Just one shirt, which is sad.  Metallica had two, which is a surprisingly small number, and Avenged Sevenfold had four.  Sigh.)  Anyway.  We wanted the shirts.  They're male-sized.  Buy one get one half-off.  Kat needs a small and I can get by with either a small or a medium.  Our plan was for us to buy them together so I can get the half-priced one as a way to pay me back for helping her and Lauren buy a pizza way back.  The problem?  They had a medium-sized, a large, and an XL.  No small.  There's no way Kat can get by with a medium.  So, because we're in St. Louis, we decide to hop across town to the other mall, where there's another Hot Topic (as well as a Barnes & Noble, which was another eventual destination of ours).  The problem here?  They had a small and a large; no medium.  SIGH.  So, being the Samaritan that I am, I agreed to get the large despite the fact that I was practically drowning in it?  I wanted the shirt that badly.  And a Megadeth shirt for $10 isn't really something you can pass up.  So, with the plan to shrink it in the wash eventually, we bought it.  And I got my shirt!  YAY!  It really is awesome.  I really love it since it actually has Dave Mustaine on it, unlike the other shirt I have.  WOO!

Our tradition of taking pictures of us in our Megadeth shirts in front of Kat's staircase continues.

After that, we spent a great deal of time in Barnes & Noble.  I didn't get anything, although I was drooling over some "teach yourself Italian" stuff in the foreign language section.  I've come to the conclusion that I can't learn a new language in a classroom setting; the only reason French is working is because I have prior knowledge of it.  I think I have to do the language at my own pace.  Because Russian was harder, it would have been better for me to go slower, while the class was very fast.  So I'd still like to teach myself another language.  (At Hasting's yesterday I found a kit to teach yourself Romanian.  It's the first Romanian language thing I've ever seen.  I wanted it.  Badly.)

Finally, after we'd sufficiently worn ourselves out at the mall, Kat's mom dropped us off at the Pageant where we waited in line with the other minors in the freezing cold.  (We're not minors, technically, but we're still under twenty-one.  Sigh.  ALMOST THERE.)  Once we got in, we found that we would be unable to find seats, so we were forced to join the "pit of doom" as we call it.  We were pressed up against people we didn't know, shunted this way and that, forced behind tall people, and all that fun stuff.  The first opening act, Option//Control, was awesome.  The three of us really want their EP.  The second, Treaty of Paris, was less cool.  It was just boring, and all of their songs blended together and sounded the same.  It was just noise.  Finally, after about two hours of standing, Ludo came on!  They were amazing.  The concert was just plain fun.  It involved dance moves in which they had us hip-thrust, not caring who we're practically humping.  At one point, they had everyone in the mosh pit sit down.  This is a very difficult thing, mind you.  Lauren ended up on my lap while I'm kneeling, with all my weight on my ankles.  The band went to the bar right behind us and led everyone in singing Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer, Jingle Bells, Silent Night, and We Wish You a Merry Christmas.  It was quite hilarious and fun.  After the show, we had a chance to wait in a long line for expensive merch and to actually meet Ludo, but we were exhausted and just done, so we left.

Fun trip, I say!

And now we're back at Truman, and my first exam is in about two hours.  Am I nervous?  Somewhat.  I've pretty much accepted that, after this, there's nothing I can do.  I've done my best, and we'll just have to see what comes of it.  My French exam is tomorrow at 7:30 in the morning (YIKES!), and my WACT exam is due today at some point.  I'll be busy pretty much all day, but yesterday was fun, filled with Christmas shopping and just chillin' with my bestest friends.

This weekend Kat and I will be going back to St. Louis for another concert; this time it's the Trans-Siberian Orchestra!  Lauren's not really interested in them, so she'll be spending the weekend with her dad in Hannibal.  But it shall be fun!  Yay!  I'm so ready for this semester to be over.  Christmas break shall be spent with Lauren and her family, and then I shall spend a week in Pikeville with my family before coming back with a week to spare before the second semester begins.  Wee!  Optimism is key.

Sail on, little toaster.  Sail on.

Happy Birthday!

For the first time in my entire, two-decade long existence, I am unable to be with my mother on her birthday.  Because I can't shower her with more-than-deserved love in the way that I should like, I am hereby dedicating this entry to my mother.

I'm pretty sure I started liking her the moment I was born.  My mother is, perhaps, the goofiest person I have ever met.  She is also the most lovable, the most honest, and the most kindhearted.  I miss her more than words can say.  These past five months have been painful, but this next one will be made more bearable knowing that I will be seeing her in just twenty-seven days.  My mother has been through so many hardships throughout her life that no one should ever have to go through.  After I arrived, I did my best to shelter her and protect her in the only way a child knows: through hugs, kisses, and snuggles.  I know I am so very blessed to have such a wonderful relationship with my mother.  I am blessed to be her daughter, blessed to just know her.  She has taught me so many valuable things throughout my life, one of which is to just laugh even when things may be hard or scary (something which, I admit, I'm still trying to learn).  She has taught me patience (I think I missed a few of those lessons), loyalty, and the wonders of puns.  She has shown me that it is okay to be yourself, that it is okay to dream, and to never stop trying.

Even after twenty years, I still find the most comfortable place to be in my mother's arms.  I love you so much, Mommy.  I wish I could be there with you today.  I miss you painfully, but I am so excited to see you again later this month.  Thank you so much for everything you have done for me throughout my life.  Thank you for being there.  Thank you for being the most amazing mother ever.  I am so blessed to be your daughter.  I love you, Mommy.  Happy birthday. <3

A day of doing more than nothing.

So I'm back in the dorm after spending a week off school for Thanksgiving.  It was quite a nice Thanksgiving.  I'll always be eternally grateful (/thankful given the holiday) for all that Lauren and her family have done for me.  However, I must admit that I have been missing my family back in Pikeville.  It's difficult knowing that I'm so close to seeing them, and yet still so far, with exactly one month to go today.  I'll be back in Kentucky for a week, which is a small amount of time after six months away.  And it's an even smaller amount of time when you consider the fact that I have no idea when I'll be back.  It may just be Christmas of 2012.  Who knows?  I certainly don't.

The past week is actually kind of a blur.  The semester is so close to being done (two weeks, plus one week of finals), that I was just antsy to get back and get it over with.  It's nice to be back.  I spent time in both Kirksville and Hannibal, had turkey, had leftovers, hung out with mah peeps, went to a Lutheran church service . . . all that fun stuff.  There's a tremendous amount of stress placed upon me that won't ease until finals are over, and I won't get into it, but let's just say it's got my pulse rocking.  We'll see what happens.  I'll do my best, and after that it's no longer up to me.  I'm determined to kick next semester's ass, that's for sure.  As soon as finals are over on the sixteenth of this month, Kat and I will be whisked off to St. Louis, where we'll be seeing the Trans-Siberian Orchestra perform.  YAY.  I'm excited.

It's actually kind of crazy when you realize that, not only the semester, but the year is almost over.  I mean, at the beginning of this year, I was finishing up college applications for three schools: Brigham Young University-Idaho, Morehead State University, and Truman State University.  As time slowly progressed, BYU-I and MSU faded into the background completely, and I found myself dreading the prospect of having to go to one of those schools, both for different reasons.  I still remember with perfect clarity the moment I received my letter from Truman.  It was still fairly early on February 7, 2011.  I saw the letter from Truman in the mailbox and knew exactly what it was.  Heart hammering unceasingly, I stumbled back to my bedroom and opened it.  I fell to my knees to moment I saw the "Congratulations!"  It still amazes me that I've been accepted.  I told my mother and promptly burst into tears, I do confess.  I called Lauren and Kat and made it sound like I had been rejected at first, before telling them the good news.

I'll never take for granted my fortune of being here, of being surrounded by so many wonderful people who influence my life.  My life certainly hasn't been a walk in the park up until this point, and I was fooling myself by thinking that it would all come so easily to me in college just because I knew I deserved better than what I had had.  I know I need to continue to work hard for everything, to not just coast on by.  This semester has definitely been difficult, filled with amounts of stress I didn't even know existed.  My best friends and I have argued, we've given each other the silent treatment, and I can't count the number of times I've sobbed on my bed.  Yet I wouldn't trade any of this for anything in the world.  After years of people believing that I would not amount to anything, I'm finally taking the path necessary to be more than anyone dreamed was possible for me.  So even though I'm definitely not the biggest patriot on the block, I take this month of Thanksgiving to reflect on my eternal gratitude and thankfulness to all of those who have helped me, have loved me, and have believed in me.  My first and second family, my friends, I love you all.  And despite the fact that I didn't intend this post to be mushy, I mean it.  Thank you for everything.

Ashlee

Registering: the task of fools

So today was finally the day myself and other lowly freshmen with a small amount of credits could register for classes next spring.  While some people had an easier time with it (i.e. Kat), I was not one of them, and neither were the majority of the other freshmen who attempted to register this morning.  It was supposed to open at 7am, but the website was overloaded with the hoard of people trying to get on, so it kept crashing.  Those who were able to get on snagged up the good classes, leaving the rest of us to weep in misery.  I received an override for Creative Writing, however, which is good.  Here's my schedule for next semester:

FREN 320 - Composition & Conversation

FREN 225 - French Pronunciation (a one-credit class basically for my own benefit)

ENG 204 - Creative Writing

LING 328 - Intro to Linguistics

COMM 170 - Public Speaking (Yay.  Not.)

POL 250 - Intro to International Relations (might be dropped depending on whether or not I can get another override)

MUSI 145 - University Chorus (just for the hell of it.)

Sounds like a lot, but it should be okay.  Much better than this semester, anyway.  Here's hopin'.

Dénaturé?

Okay, maybe the title is a little too dramatic for my tastes.  Anyway, it comes from one of Bruno Pelletier's songs of the same name from his most recent album, Microphonium.  Said song is currently stuck in my head.  But anyway.

November has begun, and as such NaNoWriMo has, too.  I am not off to a good start, to say the least.  I got about 4k done by the second day, but then made the decision to start over.  I'm actually cheating "sort of" because I'm now doing a series of short stories, rather than one long novel.  Technically, I'm just considered a NaNo Rebel.  But I don't particularly care.  I've written so many short stories over the past two years, I'm wondering if I'm even capable of writing novels anymore.  The thought scares me slightly.  But yeah.  So I'm rather behind when it comes to word count, but there's a write-in tonight at the Student Union, so hopefully I'll get some hardcore major writing done there.

In other news, outside the NaNo front and on the side of college junk, the play rehearsals are in full swing.  We're now expected to have the entire script memorized, and as someone who has the memory of hole-filled Swiss cheese, this is bad.  Especially since I have about four monologues I have to do.  But I'm working on it.  The only male in the play, who also happens to be from France is therefore fluent in French, has his lines down no problem.  But that's, obviously, to be expected.  Doesn't stop me from being jealous, though.

When it comes to classes . . . don't ask.  Lots of drama there that I won't get into.  Let's just say I'm going to have to work my ass/butt/bum off next semester.  I got a B on my French midterm, which depresses me even though it shouldn't.  I've been feeling very insecure about my French "skills" lately, so this just kind of added insult to injury.  I know I'm expecting too much of myself when it comes to my major, but when I suck at everything else, isn't it kind of natural to be wanting to be good at something?  Oh, well.  I shall keep trying.  I still don't know how I did on my short composition I had to do in which we utilized the conditional verb form. Not sure I want to know anymore.

This is a very happy blog post, isn't it?  Maybe it'd be happier if I didn't have to go to Logic in the next one or two minutes.  Plus work right after.  Hey, at least it's the weekend afterward.  Helloooo, The Sims 3: Pets.  Plus script memorizing, studying, and a whole bunch of other stuff.  BUT this includes a Hana Pestle concert, a dance recital, and a screening of The Help.  So this is good.  Toodles.

NaNoWriMo

Ah, yes, that time of year has arrived: National Novel Writing Month, also called NaNoWriMo.  It's that time of months in which nerds, such as myself, gather from all corners of the globe to celebrate and practice one thing: the novel.  It is an event in which writers from all walks of life are challenged to tackle the great feat of writing 50,000 words in thirty days.  When you think about it: no, that's not actually a novel (it's a novella).  It's approximately 175 pages.  (To add a comparison, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's/Philosopher's Stone" is about 80,000 words.)  It's about quantity, not quality.  Odds are that the spawn of thirty days and 50,000 words will be crap, and that's okay.  It's expected, and even encouraged.  So why do we do it?  Why would this amount of stress (added onto the typical stress of college this year, nonetheless) be permitted?  Because it's simply fun.  I've always enjoyed it, despite the fact that I fail most years due to hatred of the plot after a while.

I started NaNo for the first time in 2005 when I was fourteen.  I was a member of the Harry Potter message board, DarkMark.com, and someone posted about it.  I was quite intrigued and vowed to try.  It resulted in my first real plot for a novel that wasn't fanfiction -- quite a feat, if you ask me.  The cover it produced was absolutely horrible, this I freely admit.  But still.  I tried.  Failed, but hey.  I tried.  I failed nearly every other time afterwards.  The one time I won wasn't official, but I decided to count it since I didn't do anything that November anyway.  I had just written the 50,000+ words in another month.  So there.

So why do I keep trying when I am probably destined to fail?  Especially now with college going full force.  It's just . . . fun.  The plotting and meeting others as crazy as me is a huge part of the excitement.  Added on to the fact that I'll finally meet others who are doing it, as there are some people on the Truman campus.  I just try and see what happens.  I'm not going all out with the promoting, graphic designing, or anything like that for this novel.  It's basically under wraps, and it'll stay that way.  But I still intend to vent on this trusty blog.  So there.  For your "amusement," here is what my writing space currently looks like.

Ah, nostalgia.

Why is Ashlee nostalgic?  Because it was two years ago today that I was in Quebec for the first (and last, as of yet) time to see my favorite singer, Bruno Pelletier.  Ah, memories.  I'd love to go back, but obviously that's not an option right now.  Hopefully soon.  It's quite strange to see how I've changed since I was there.  I was (somewhat) newly eighteen, I was writing a book about vampires, and . . . yeah.  Now I'm (somewhat) newly twenty, I still have the book about vampires in my head even though it's M.I.A., and . . . yeah.  Also, I've lost quite a bit of weight, which is good.  Comparison?

Myself and Bruno Pelletier.  Then.

Myself this past July.  Now.

See?  Think I look different?  Hopefully, I look older.  But I doubt it.  I don't think I look twenty.  Sigh.

Anyway.  It's been a little while since I've written a blog entry, so I'll bring you up to date.

[cricket.]

All done.  The only thing that's really happened is midterm break, and that is now over.  I went to Folklife Festival in Hannibal, MO, bought a sterling silver bracelet with a emerald-colored blown glass charm in the center, and that's about it.  I was also tempted to buy a stuffed alpaca named James.  That's about all that's going on with me.  Wish I could share more for those thousands of you who are dying for info, but . . . I'm boring.  Toodles.

A productive day of nothing

What, another one?  Yes, children, another blog post from Ashlee.  Let's check out a Sunday in the life of this little dramatic reine de la nuit, shall we?

11:30am -- wake up from a cruelly unrealistic dream.  Try to figure out where one is.  Glance at time on iPod.  Lay back down and, most unusually, fall back asleep.

1:30pm -- come out of a dreamlike state of dozy sleepiness upon hearing the soft conversation of roommates.  Tell them of dream, hear their 'awwws' of sympathy, and flop back down onto bed.  Watch as they get up, yet possess no desire to do so yourself.

1:45pm -- upon hearing Lauren prepare to take a shower, bolt from bed and into bathroom to prevent oneself from wetting the bed.

1:47pm -- flop down onto desk chair and turn on laptop, displaying no desire to get dressed.  Do random stuff of no consequence on laptop.

2:00pm -- finally get dressed upon learning that one will be required to travel to another location at some point during the day.

2:50pm -- begin preparation for desk clean-up as Lauren leaves for Black Sheep (knitting group) meeting.

3:00pm -- leave for library to return MOBIUS book in an attempt to procrastinate said clean-up.

3:01pm -- return to dorm room having forgotten ID.

3:04pm -- arrive at library, return book, and head back to dorm.

3:07pm -- arrive at dorm, commence clean-up of area.  Attempt to call home twice with no success.

3:50pm -- finish cleaning desk area and bathroom sink.  Become hungry.

4:00pm -- begin writing pointless blog entry.

And there you have it!  That was incredibly interesting, wasn't it?

A balancing act.

BLAH.

That pretty much sums it all up.  This probably sounds horrible, but thank God I no longer have Russian.  I'm stressed enough without it -- if I was being forced to continue with it, I think I would throw myself off a cliff.  I feel like I'm drowning in this deep pit with stuff piling over my body and suffocating me.  Every time I go over in my mind what needs to be done, there's always something to add.  An essay here, an appointment with the Writing Center, that all-too-important math test, the French play, studying for Logic, that all-too-important Logic test. . . .  I'd like it if time could just stop for a while so I could have a breather.  But, obviously, that can't happen.

I wrote my first French composition the other day.  I received 44/45, which is about 98%.  So, you know, I got an A.  I just wish I cared more.  It sounds bad, but I don't.  It's expected that I do well in French, so when I don't do perfectly, it's just a let-down.  I don't see the high score at the top, I just see every little correction my professor made on the page.  The words "Très bien écrit, très bon français !" at the top don't mean anything to me. All I see is what I did wrong.  I'm not proud of myself, I'm disappointed that I made so many mistakes.  I know I shouldn't feel  this way, but I can't help it.

Don't even get me started on math.

L'avenir.  (English translation is below.  Ignore mistakes in the original -- I'm too lazy to go fix them.)

           Dans l’avenir, je crois que les gens voleront dans le ciel pour voyager au travail.  S’ils ne peuvent pas voler, ils ne prendront pas un autobus.  Ils feront rebondir dans une grande bulle sur les rues.  Mais ça ne passera pas peut-être.  Survivront-ils la guerre entre les loups-garous et les vampires ?  Mais non !  Les vampires éclateront les bulles des pauvres humains avec leurs dents.

            —Ah ! les gens crieront, vous ne détruirez pas nos bulles !

            Qui est bon et qui est mal ?  Les loups-garous avec leurs cheveux qui boucheront sûrement tous les tuyaux de chaque baignoire ?  Ou les vampires avec leurs dents tranchent qui perceront tous les bulles (et peut-être les cous) ?  Qui sauvera la journée ?  C’est le bossu de Notre-Dame, bien-sûr !

            Dans l’avenir, le bossu Quasimodo se balancera de sa tour et il donnera un coup de pied aux fesses des loups-garous.  Il rira et les vampires le remercieront.  Donc les loups-garous ne reparaîtront jamais.  Si les gens survivront cette guerre, ils auront beaucoup de choses high-tech, comme un ordinateur qui chantera tous les nombres.  Les mathématiciens trouveront le bout des numéros.  Mais lorsqu’on arrivera au dernier nombre, on n’en se souviendra pas le premier.  L’alphabet inclura une nouvelle lettre (je ne peux pas vous le dire—c’est un secret).  Les gens ne se contrediront—ils seront d’accord avec tout le monde.  Pour passer le temps, les enfants peindront l’herbe dans les couleurs différentes.  Leurs parents sauront pas pourquoi, mais ils souriront et ils les joindront.

            Si Quasimodo échouera, le monde sera triste.  Il n’y aura pas des couleurs, seulement le blanc et le noir.    L’espoir du monde mourra.  Les nombres iront pour toujours, et donc il n’en y aura pas un pot d’or au bout.  Alors je vous préviendrai : si vous aimez l’idée des bulles et de voler, vous devrez vous bosser les dents.  Sinon, les vampires vous mordront et ils transmettront leur vampirisme.

The Future.

            In the future, I believe that people will fly in the sky to go to work.  If they can’t fly, they won’t take a bus.  They’ll bounce in a big bubble on the streets.  But this might not happen.  Will they survive the way between the werewolves and the vampires?  But no!  The vampires will bite the poor humans’ bubbles with their teeth.

            “Ah!” the people will cry.  “You will not destroy our bubbles!”

            Who is good and who is bad?  The werewolves with their hair that will surely clog all the drains of each bathtub?  Or the vampires with their sharp teeth that will pierce all the bubbles (and maybe the necks)?  Who will save the day?  It’s the hunchback of Notre-Dame, of course!

            In the future, the hunchback Quasimodo will swing from his tower and he will kick the werewolves’ asses.  He will laugh and the vampires will thank him.  Thus the werewolves will never reappear.  If the people will survive this war, they will have a lot of high-tech things, like a computer that will sing all the numbers.  The mathematicians will find the end of the numbers.  But when one reaches the last number, one will not remember the first.   The alphabet will include a new letter (I can’t tell it to you—it’s a secret).  People will not contradict each other—they will agree with everyone.  To pass the time, children will paint the grass in different colors.  Their parents will not know why, but they will laugh and will join them.

            If Quasimodo will fail, the world will be sad.  There will not be any colors, only white and black.  The hope of the world will die.  The numbers will go on forever, and thus there will be no pot of gold at the end of them.  So I predict to you: if you like the idea of bubbles and of flying, you will have to brush your teeth.  If not, the vampires will bite you and will transmit their vampirism.

До свидания русский!

The title, my non-Russian-speaking friends, says "Goodbye, Russian!"  Or, at least, it does in theory.  I could be wrong, but since I've officially dropped my Elementary Russian I class, I really don't care.  It was just too much for me to handle with everything going on at the moment.  I had "warned" Lauren and Kat previously that, if I didn't do well in Russian when I supposedly have a "gift" for languages, then I would be extremely discouraged and would want to jump off the university's clock tower.  And I was extremely discouraged.  I let my emotional problems block me from the language, something my professor noticed and tried to get me to stop doing.  But because Russian was such a major cause of stress for me, I didn't really have a choice.  Especially since it wasn't fulfilling any sort of requirement, but was "for fun."  I fully intend to try again, and my professor said I was "welcome back any time," but for now I just need to focus on my major and my LSP (Liberal Studies Program) requirements.

So what else is new for the little drama queen?  Speaking of drama, I officially have been "awarded" the role of Justine the hypnotist in a French play called Dormez, je le veux.  Granted, it's not a long play and the cast is small, but I'm pleased.  Lauren has (and wanted) the role of Francine, someone whom I hypnotize and also the sister of the main dude I hypnotize.  It shall be fuuun.  Professor Lobert, the director and also my professor of Intermediate French II, sent me an e-mail asking if I would be okay with splitting my role with another person who wanted to be in it.  (That proves how selective everything is.)  Despite the fact that I was miffed, I said I was okay with it.  However, when he talked to me in class on Monday, I brought up the possibility of splitting the role of Valencourt to make it two parents.  I thought it would make more sense.  I insisted that I wasn't whining about my role being split, and was just thinking about what was best for the play.  And I was.  Lobert said it was a good idea and that he would think about it.  The next meeting is tonight, so I guess we'll see.

Also in other news, I got a book in the mail!  It's called Post-Francophile: Stories from the Professional French Masters Program.  Basically it's just got stories of what French majors did after college!  YAY!  The nerdiness overwhelms me, but I LOVE IT.  It fills me with joy.

Something else I have noticed.  Why do people (myself included occasionally) take moody-looking pictures of themselves?  Why is smiling a sin?  I tend to do so when my general mood and demeanor is rather angry and pissy, and some shot of me smiling makes me want to kill whoever took it.  I tend to change it a little while later, but still.  Interesting how photos can reflect someone's mood.  That's my random thought of the day.

old.

Yes, children, it's true.  Ashlee is old.  As of August 29, 2011, I am no longer a teenager.  I am officially twenty years old.  Does it feel different?  No, not particularly.  This blog post isn't going to be a big, long thing reviewing the past two decades.  I don't feel like it, and I'm pretty darn sure that the few people reading this thing don't actually care.

So other than getting old, what has Ashlee been up to?  I suck at Russian, for one thing.  One of the only words I can remember is "Карандаш," which means "pencil."  Yeah.  I'm supposed to have the alphabet memorized by tomorrow.  That'll be interesting.  I'll probably make some flashcards.  Either way, it's going to be a late night.  I've put off all my homework until tonight, and I'm continuing to procrastinate now.  I'm such a good college student.  I don't like work, either, but . . . whatever.  Nothing I can do about that.

Umm . . . yeah.  That's all I can really think of to say.  Lauren, Kat, and I rode our bikes this weekend.  It was awesome.  Exercise is FUN.  And the weather has actually been quite amazing.  I signed up for some clubs, such as the International Club, Russian Club (HA!), and Prism, which is the school's Gay-Straight Alliance.  I don't know if I'll continue with Prism, but the International Club should be fun.  And there's a meeting for the French play on the eighth.  Wee!  That should break the monotony of college life nicely.

The place where dreams might be made of

So!  Guess who's a college student?  Me!  That's right, people: little Ashlee has entered the big, bad world of university.  I am writing this blog entry from my brand new dorm room at the Truman State University campus.  Lauren and Kat have yet to move in, seeing as they're sophomores, so I'm on my own until Thursday.  But that hasn't stopped a periodic visit.  Teehee.

Let's not get ahead of ourselves.  The day before yesterday, the nineteenth (also Kat's twentieth birthday), I took my driving test.  And I failed.  I made stupid mistakes that I realized I made immediately after I made them, and I didn't get close enough to the cone in front of me for the parallel parking.  But oh, well.  I'll have to find time to take it again.  I'm not fretting about it (anymore).

That night, the three of us went to Truman where a hypnotist was . . . wait for it . . . hypnotizing people.  The event was generally for the international students who arrived that day, but we went anyway since we were already in Kirksville.  It was absolutely hilarious.  I would go into detail, but that would take forever, and my memory kind of sucks.  At first I wondered if people were faking it, but I guess they weren't.  Lauren and I almost got hypnotized, too, sitting in the audience.  At one point I couldn't open my eyes, but when he told us to, the effect wore off.  Three different people sitting in the audience were hypnotized completely, though.  'Twas pretty awesome.

Aaaand now I'm in college!  Yesterday was filled with annoying, humiliating get-to-know you games, the kind of stuff I've always hated.  But whatever.  This College Cup is so sans dignity, we had BETTER win just to make it worth it.  See what I'm sayin'?  Today was filled with a rather funny program on the same old stuff they tell you whenever you go to any peer-filled thing, whether it be a youth conference, camp, or college.  Drugs, alcohol, sex, the same old stuff.  But at least it was funny.  I just got back from dinner, which was a picnic at "The Mall," which is actually just a quad-like area in front of the student union.  I put far too much ketchup on my burger, which was probably the size of my head.

I also had my first class, which was Writing As Critical Thinking.  I have homework.  And I managed to embarrass myself.  See, the professor, who is from India, mentioned when I said I was from Yuba City, California that there were a lot of Sikh there.  But I, being the cultural fiend that I am, mistook that religion for Islam, and didn't quite get what she meant.  But when she explained  it, I got it.  Still, though.  I'm now afraid she thinks I'm one of "those" people who think all Indian religions are Islam and that I'm this uncultured wretch.  Which I'm NOT.  Sigh.  Shoot me.

But other than that, go Truman!

Pictures of my dorm will come on Tuesday when Lauren and Kat are moved in.  But until then:

There's my window.

there's corn . . . in the field . . . 'cause it's a cornfield

Blog o' mine!  I bet my insane amount of followers (not) have missed the incessant updates.  Unfortunately for them, nothing has changed too significantly since I last wrote.  The only thing that has changed, really, is that instead of taking Intro to Philosophy this Fall, I'll be taking Logic.  WOO!  It's like math, but with concepts.  Maybe that'll make the equations and things easier since there'll actually be something definitive behind the numbers.  It's the only class I've got that actually has me excited, actually.  I mean, I'm really looking forward to taking French and Russian, but Logic will be the only thing that's actually new to me.  I've been studying French for two years on my own, and I've done some Russian, obviously I've done writing and math, so Logic is really the only unknown territory.  But I'm still excited!

Speaking of school, I move in two weeks and one day from now!  August 20th I'll officially be a college student.  Scary thought, that.  It's still only summer and I feel like a completely different person.  Living in Pikeville seems like a whole lifetime away.  There's still that lingering fear that things will come crashing down like I'm used to them doing, but so far so good!  I know I'm just a pessimist in that regard.  I do miss my family, though.  I'll never miss Pikeville itself, but the people.  It'll be nice to visit for a little while over Christmas, I think.

In other news, I am currently sitting in Java Jive in Hannibal!  It's a lovely café that the students of Truman are unlikely to experience due to the fact that it's not in Kirksville.  And the café there can't really compare, unfortunately.  Java Jive has wonderful soda.  And cookies.  Yum.  But yes, I am here with Lauren, who is writing away beside me.  We also had some fun with my webcam and made a makeshift (or "ersatz," if you will [teehee]) photo strip out of goofiness and boredom!  Wee!  Observe it's awesomeness!

brain go bang ashy go ow

I hit my head on the bottom of the counter while picking up a Sprite cap.  Ow.

So!  Florida was fun.  We stayed in New Smyrna Beach for a week in a rented condo right on the beach.  I got to wake up every morning and see the sun rising over the ocean.  (I'm a reluctant morning person.)  Mostly we just spent our days being beach bums and tanning (and burning in some cases), as well as running out and jumping the waves.  (NSB is also the Shark Capital of the World, apparently.)  We chilled out at the condo pool a little while when we got sick of the salt water, or we needed to lounge around on one of the deck chairs to fry our backs.  We also got to go up to the top of a working lighthouse (203 steps, baby), as well as climbing a bunch of rocks on a different beach.  Saw dolphins in the distance at some point.  Ate steak and ribs a lot; the only Floridian culture in which I participated was having a bite of alligator, as well as lobster.  For the record, I'll never eat lobster again -- it tasted like fishy chicken, which isn't bad, but the idea of eating an alligator (perhaps because it's a predator) creeps me out.  As for souvenirs, I got a necklace with a coin that looks like one of the "nine pieces of eight" from Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End and a shark tooth, a couple t-shirts, and a lovely, fluffy stuffed sea turtle affectionately nicknamed Turtle Butt.

Now that the totally epic vacation is over, I have just finished making an entire spreadsheet of different prices for textbooks for the school year, comparing the prices from the Truman State bookstore, Patty's Bookstore (a local shop for textbooks in Kirksville), and Amazon.  Looks like the locations from which we buy the books will be pretty varied.  But at least I'm learning how to use Microsoft Excel, finally!  If I were to get each book from the cheapest place, it seems like the total will still be around $410.  EEEEEEK.  It's mainly Intro to Philosophy's fault, since it has the most books.  Also Russian's fault, since it's got a huge software/DVD/CD junk.

In more school-ish news, it's likely that I'll be a double major in French and Creative Writing.  But, of course, that's dependent on whether or not I can be accepted for the CW major next semester.  Since I really don't want to do a double major and a double minor, the minor in Russian Studies will be dropped.  I really want to do Russian, though, so I'll probably just take the six language classes and not do the required history, literature, etc. classes that the minor requires.  I'll keep the French Translation minor since it only requires two extra classes from the French major.  WOO!  I seriously can't wait.

Also, I've gotten an override for the French Immersion Weekend that takes place in October, I believe.  That'll bring my total credit hours for the semester to eighteen, which is the maximum.  Whoooa, dude.  But I'm EXCITED!  The more French in my life, the better. 

C’est fou comment ma vie a changé pendant deux ans à cause d’un chanteur et sa musique.  Et puis la musique d’autres chanteurs.  La musique francophone m’a donné une vie.  Avant que je découvre la langue française, il n’y avait rien que j’aimais vraiment.  Maintenant, il y a beaucoup de choses.  Ahhhh, j’adoooore le français.

The sunshiny state

I am writing this from unknown territory.  I have, dear companions and reluctant readers (plus a stalker or two), made it to Florida!  I am sitting in Kat’s van, with no one really talking much.  The music of Anthony Snape plays from the stereo; Kat is reading some beyond-thick book in the front seat, and Lauren is writing on her own laptop on the seat beside me.  I don’t think we’re this quiet very often, so this moment should probably be savored.  Especially by Kat’s mom, who has been driving for the past day-and-a-half.

I know you’re dying for a recap of what’s happened so far, so here goes.  I got my hair cut and highlighted (red) on the morning of the sixth at The Loft, a lovely salon in downtown Hannibal near Java Jive (where I spend quite a bit of my time, despite the main product they sell).  Then we left from there and headed to St. Louis to pick up Kat’s cousin Marin before going to the wonders of Barnes & Noble.  I was originally going to buy Revolutionary Road by Richard Yates, which I have been meaning to buy ever since I saw the movie (a Titanic “reunion” with Kate Winslet, Leonardo diCaprio, and Kathy Bates), as well as Candide by Voltaire, but I changed my mind.  I ended up buying a planner for college this Fall, as well as a Russian language map—exciting, right?  Well, at least the language map is.

We then went to Belleville, Illinois to spend the night at Kat’s grandmother’s place.  After a hot and largely sleepless night, we left at around 7:30 the next morning at ate at Cracker Barrel about an hour away.  (French toast and hash browns—yum.)  Then we drove, and drove, and drove.  We reached the hotel in Ringold, Georgia around whatever time we got there and almost immediately jumped into the indoor pool.  The hot tub was lovely!  We all played around in the pool, and it was quite fun picking everyone up and throwing them, as well as being thrown myself.  Teehee.

The next morning we left at 7:30 again.  I wasn’t feeling too hot, so I skipped out on breakfast and stared uselessly at my laptop wishing the hotel’s Wi-Fi would work again.  Around eleven, however, I finally got hungry so we stopped at McDonald’s in some random city in Georgia.  While they all got the horrors of iced coffee, I treated myself to the pleasures of chicken nuggets and French fries.

Then we drove some more!  About twenty or so miles from the Georgia/Florida border we stopped at Old South Barbecue, which a pretty small place off the highway.  They told us it was closed, but when they realized that we (well, not so much me) only stop there once a year on the way to and from Florida, they let us in to eat.  Oooh, it was so good!  But there were elk and deer heads on the wall, so that was kind of creepy.

Now, basically, here we are.  We crossed the border not too long ago, and we just took an exit leading to Jacksonville (where we’re staying for the night) and Tallahassee, which is where my sister was born.  We’ll reach the condo at New Smyrna Beach tomorrow afternoon, but for now I’m just looking forward to Wi-Fi at the hotel tonight.

Aaaand that’s about it.  Hopefully this will get posted tonight.  If not . . . try to survive.

Friday, July 8, 2011 – 4:16 p.m.

 Continued - 6:07 p.m.
We made it to Jacksonville, Florida alive!  HUZZAH!

I can see clearly now yada yada yada

It's July!  Woo, n' junk.

Now that that's taken care of, it's onto the important stuff: I got my driver's permit!  I hope the residents of Missouri are very, very afraid.  Take caution on the sidewalks, children.  The process was a lot different from what it was when I got my permit in California when I was sixteen.  I almost got the impression that California lets just about anyone get a permit.  There were less questions, and I believe the test was easier.  Although there was something about this out-of-school driver's ed. thing that I never really got.  I don't know.  I just found it strange how different everything was.

Also, I've finally gotten my new glasses.  They're red.  I've been told they're cute, but meh.  I'm not a good judge of my own personal appearance.  I'm tired.  We ran around all yesterday (spent the day in Quincy, Illinois), and all today here in Kirksville.  I need a nap.  Or a Sunkist.

Aaaand I'm too lazy to write anything else.  I could have just written a Facebook status about this junk, but . . . I didn't feel like it.

I did all my best to smile

The entry is far less depressing and foreboding than the title, no worries.  As of tomorrow, it will have been a week since I said goodbye to my family.  There has been some homesickness and some tears, but I've gotten through it.  Lauren and Kat have helped me immensely.  No one ever said everything would be completely easy or a total cakewalk, but I'm getting through it.  Difficulties here, difficulties there -- c'est la vie, non?  It's a challenge, but as long as you're able to smile at the end, that makes everything worth it.

I am currently in Hannibal, sitting in the spare room of Kat's house.  She and I have been having a totally awesome SLEEPOVER while Lauren visits with her dad.  It's been pretty cool!  It's actually the first time Kat and I have spent any time just her and me, so it has been fun.  Today we went to the Riverview Park, which is a pretty cool place with trails and everything.  Kat and I went trekking down one of the trails (literally down -- the walk back up was less fun), and then we headed to downtown Hannibal to Java Jive where SHE got this nasty-lookin' coffee milkshake thing, while I got a classic, yummy orange soda.  We also went into this really cool antique shop, and I bought a Victorian-esque choker.  I LOVE IT.  The Victorian/Edwardian eras are my favorite time period -- mainly due to the Titanic, of which I am a complete nerd.  We also went to this popcorn/candy store whose name escapes me, where they had this big map of both the country and the world where visitors can put a sticker of a star to show where they're from.  (Hannibal is very much a tourist town -- think Mark Twain.)  Theeen we headed back.  Tomorrow we're going to the Molly Brown House!  EEEE!!!  I'm so freaking excited.

The Mississippi River -- 'twould be Illinois in the distance.

The three of us went to my Truman orientation on Friday.  I was on my own mostly, however, but I met some pretty cool people.  I'm quite excited for classes to start.  It shall be quite epic, I do believe!  My schedule:

Intermediate French II - MWF - 8:30 - 9:20 - Lobert
Elementary Russian I - MTWRF - 10:30 - 11:20 - Beane
Introduction to Philosophy - MWF - 9:30 - 10:20 - Alexander
Writing as Critical Thinking (TW) - TR - 12:00 - 1:20 - Ahmad
College Algebra (online)

Woo!

A thousand miles

I’M HOMELESS!!!!!!  Exciting, isn’t it?  As of however long ago, I am no longer in Kentucky!  It’s fabulous!  Actually, all throughout yesterday and this morning I completely forgot we were still in Kentucky.  Maybe it’s because hardly anyone we met actually had a southern accent.  It was odd.  As soon as we left Pikeville, people sounded NORMAL!  Sorry, that’s not nice.

I’ll give you a play-by-play, k?  I know you’re (depending on who you is.  WHO ARE YOU?!?!) dying for one.  So!  I slept horribly on the night of the nineteenth.  Like, fer cereal.  It was awful.  I think I woke up at five, then six, then seven, then eight, then finally nine.  And then I just hung around for a little bit.  Although my aunt let me back up her Ford Blazer to straighten it out in the driveway!  It was EXCITING!  (Not really.)  I’ve driven a whole bunch, but I never got my license—I only ever had a permit while living in California, but apparently I’ll be getting my license some time this summer.  BE AFRAID!

After chillin’ out for a while, I got a call from Lauren asking where the turn to my street was, since it’s very abrupt off the highway.  I decided to go meet them out on the corner despite the pouring rain, from the bottom of my adorable, mushy heart.  After standing out there for about five minutes, they arrived and allowed me into their van.  Then there was much glomping to be had.  ‘Twas magical.  After heading back to my house at the end of the street, we loaded up the van with my stuff, said goodbye to my family, and headed out.  (It was a lot more emotional and sentimental than I’m making it sound.)

We went to Applebee’s for lunch, and I got RIBLETS!!!!  With barbecue sauce.  And the waiter was sooo cute, and he kept flirting with all three of us.  He just basically went back and forth.  Then, as we were leaving, he revealed that he had a girlfriend.  Awkwaaaaard.  Then we headed out for Lexington.  It’s about three hours away, but it seemed like a lot less sitting between the TWO COOLEST PEOPLE ON THE PLANET.  We stopped talking only briefly while they each read something and I read Le Petit Prince (which is totally awesome, by the way).

When we arrived in Lexington, we went to Barnes & Noble where I FINALLY was able to by own copy of The Lovely Bones!  I was quite a happy camper.  Despite the fact that I haven’t really touched it yet.  Then we went to dinner at an Italian place called Carrabba’s.  I’ll tell you what I had, k?  I know you’re interested and that you REALLY want to know.  . . . I can’t remember.  OH.  Heh.  Grilled herb chicken with a pile of spaghetti that was bigger than my head.  I think I had half a chicken then stopped.  It’s sad.  I’m not a huge fan of Italian food in general, so I tend to just get what I’m already comfortable with.  Although I did try some zucchini for the first time, and it was AMAZING.  It’s like cucumber in spaghetti sauce—loved it!  But then we got this HUUUUUUGE chocolate cake thing that Lauren, Kat, and I shared.  We also took a picture of it with my Cat in the Hat figurine on top just ‘cause we could.  Then weeee . . . went back to the hotel, according to Lauren.  I don’t really have a memory of this—I blame the food coma.

Then we talked, and talked, and talked, and talked, and talked.  Lauren and Kat went to sleep around one, and I tried to sleep but it was impossible.  Kat and I had the bed while Lauren had the cushion from the chaise in the living room in the suite.  She crashed into the bedroom door twice.  It was humorous.  We TOLD her to get onto the bed, but nooo.  She’s a stubborn little martyr.  Whom I found snuggling a stuffed fox early this morning.  I didn’t take a picture, although I should have to blackmail her for the REST OF HER LIFE.  Not that she’d care.  I FINALLY got to sleep later, and woke up when Kat jabbed her knee into my back.  But she’s adorable while sleeping, so I didn’t wake her up.  ‘Cause I’m a stubborn martyr, too.  Right on.

Then we woke up.  Again.  Aaaaand . . . uhh . . . had breakfast.  I had a HUGE (not) helping of two halves of a strawberry, an orange, and a banana.  LYK WHOA.  I’m a pig, I know.  Then we loaded up in the car and headed to the mall.  IT HAS A DISNEY STORE OMG.  The three of us went kind of crazy.  Although we think the cashier got a kick out of us, gushing about Winnie the Pooh with us, and pretty much just laughing at us.  ‘Twas fun.  I could have LIVED in that store.  It was magical.  The woman said the Simba and Nala merch gets sold out as soon as it arrives, which is depressing.  They DID have a stuffed Zazu, though, which surprised all of us.  I almost got it just because Zazu is kind of rare.  But actually the three of us got our own little mini stuffed animals to “commemorate” the trip.  Lauren got Doug from the movie Up! (which I need to see), Kat got Naveen (as a frog) from The Princess and the Frog, and I got Winnie the Pooh from . . . well, I’m sure you can figure it out.

AND THEN.  We went to Hot Topic, and one of the cashiers gushed to us about bacon, string cheese, and ranch dressing.  I really do NOT get the attraction to bacon that EVERYONE and their mother seems to have, but . . . whatever.  Although I did agree with him that chicken skin is good.  (Don’t judge me.)  Apparently he wanted to wrap bacon in it.  . . . Yum?  I got a keychain of a bat that (according to Kat) looks like a bear.  His name is Chris.  Don’t ask why, please.

And THEEEEN!!!  I almost fell asleep while they drank crap . . . I meeeean coffee from Starbucks.  Then we left.  C’était un moment de métal.  (Look it up.)  We then left Lexington to head for Louisville, where we had lunch sy Pantera, which is a restaurant dedicated to the heavy metal band.  . . . Or not.  Okay, it’s Panera.  With bread.  Basically my sammich was just smoked turkey breast and lettuce since I didn’t want the evils of either tomato or onion.  Ew.  Then . . . . I got slightly weepy.  DON’T JUDGE ME.  I blame it on the smell of Lauren’s onions.

Then we stopped a gas station, where some snotty kid cut in front of me to go to the bathroom.  Little buttmunch.  He’s going to be a criminal one day—I can tell.

It started raining a whooooooole bunch, and I was afraid we were going to DIE.  And a semi-truck in front of us started losing one of its tires.  After a while Lauren’s parental units got tired of hearing us talk (and sing), so we all started listening to our iPods.  And we occasionally made stuffed animals dance.  That’s actually pretty normal for us.

At the moment we are in the wonders of ILLINOIS!  So I guess I’m technically homeless since I no longer live in Pikeville, but I’m not in Missouri yet.  Weird.  I’m typing this as it begins to rain again.  Nothing on the sides of us but fields and trees.  It’s actually quite pretty in Lexington, which surprised me.  I’d never been there before, but it had a lot of ranches, which my mom would have loved.

I do miss my family.  It’s a lot easier for me now than it was three years ago when I went to go live in Georgia with my family.  It’s odd how quickly I fell into step with everyone—it’s as if we haven’t been apart at all, even though it’s been just over a year.  I have a feeling things will continue going well.  The rest of the week’s already been planned out, pretty much.  Orientation at Truman is on Friday, and Lauren and Kat are gonna show me around Truman at some point before then.  Sweet potatoes!  I really can’t wait.  Even though I was in Kirksville last year, I didn’t go on campus—we just drove by it.  Truman wasn’t even really an option for me then.  It’s crazy how so much has changed.

But anywhoodle!  I shall continue this later.  At some point.  When my feet and butt are less numb.  Toodles!  - 3:40pm

Continued.

I’m in Kirksville!  And I’m tired.  We’re going to Truman tomorrow (I think), and they’re going to show me around, and it will be magical.  It will be a moment of metal.  And fairies.  I CAN’T WAIT TO GO TO HASTING’S!!!!!!!!!!

That is all.

The sun'll come out the day after tomorrow

It's not the original, but it's VICTOR GARBER and KATHY BATES!  Squee!!

It'd probably be more appropriate to write my "adieu" entry tomorrow, which is my last day here in Pikeville, but I'm bored and the sound of rain and thunder outside gives me the urge to write.  So, shut up and listen!  I'm almost completely finished with packing.  Lauren thinks it's extremely outlandish and unusual that all of my clothes can fit into one large suitcase.  I just . . . don't have a lot of clothes.  The last time I saw her and Kat was last summer, just over a year ago, and I've probably bought maybe two pairs of jeans since then and a handful of shirts.  Most of said shirts were bought recently in preparation for leaving.  Also, I only have . . . *counts* . . . five pairs of shoes, which is probably unheard of for a young woman my age.  Two pairs of (poser) Converse, a pair of those Earth Day-thing sandals, a pair of flip-flops, and a pair of high heels in which I walk like a drunk.  Which is ironic, since I only wear them to church.

Speaking of church!  Tomorrow is my last day at the Pikeville Branch.  Tragic, isn't it?  Not that I've been recently anyway, but still.  I used to be bitter because it's so small, especially compared to the other congregations to which I've belonged throughout my life, but now I've actually grown to like the smallness and the family-like atmosphere.  Guess it's a little late to start liking it, though, huh?  I still don't really like church in general, if we're being perfectly honest.  Many times I've had to be dragged tooth and nail.  I'll probably never be one of those spiritual people who have a preternatural glow about them.  I'll try to survive the heartache.

I'm nervous.  Extremely nervous.  Terrified.  My pessimism has been seeping into every crevice and pore.  Lauren thinks I think too much, and she's not the first person to say so, so it's probably true.  But the thing is, I live in Kentucky, so there's nothing to do but think or mow the lawn.  I'd prefer the former.  I love my two best friends to little tiny bits and pieces, but this experience will be something so new to me.  It's almost like when I went to live with my father and his family in Georgia for a little while when I was sixteen.  It was new, but, even though I hadn't lived with my dad in about seven years, he was still my dad.  He was still that rock of familiarity and comfort that I needed.  There's just something about having a parent with you in an unfamiliar place -- it's kind of like having a beacon of light in a dark cave.  Except now that I'm all grown up (ha!), I can't rely on anyone else to be my "beacon."  Lauren and Kat will be sources of comfort, of course, but maybe I gotta shine my own light.  But still.  There's just something about growing up within the next forty-eight hours, being responsible, being an adult, starting college that is completely terrifying.  Sometimes I wish I could just freeze in a sort of limbo when I see them again.  That way I can be happy, but I won't have to try to function.

Okay, that's it for the metaphorical stuff.  (Sorry.  I'm a writer.  I tend to talk like that.  You'll get used to it.)

Ah, writing.  It's fun.  It's always been my dream to be a published author.  I fancy myself being the next J.K. Rowling, because she is just so intensely magnificent.  Yet I don't have the guts to try to be a Creative Writing major.  Instead I'll go for French with a pre-Master of Arts in Education.  Or something like that.  Why?  Excluding the fact that I adore the French language and that it has, in the past two years, become ma vie and ma passion, it's because the prospect of being a French teacher, or even a freelance translator, is so much more likely than being a published author.  I don't want to focus countless amounts of money and four years into something that might always remain a dream.  I definitely want to take a Creative Writing class, but, as for a major, I'm just not brave enough.

Sail on, little toaster.  Sail on.

Simple and not-so-clean

What's on the agenda for the little procrastinator today?  LAUNDRY!  That's right.  And because I've procrastinated so often, nearly every piece of clothing I own must be washed.  Well, the ones I'm taking with me do.  I should probably continue going through my things found throughout my room, but . . . I don't particularly want to.  No matter what I'm preparing for -- moving, camp, youth conference, a sleepover, a road-trip to Canada, a week-long visit with friends -- I have always hated packing.  I'm constantly reminded that it's better to remember what I'm packing for, but that doesn't take away the fact that I still have to pack.  And I'm not very good at packing, either, as my lovely friend Sarah will confirm.  I think I've gotten better, though.  Especially since I have the need to downsize on nearly everything I own so that it will fit in my friend's van when they come rescue me.  So far, so good.  It's just the clothes and things I'm worried about.  I don't have a lot of clothes, but . . . I guess we'll see how it all works out.

The fact that I'm actually doing actual stuff is shocking.  I haven't even had the time to write recently, which is kind of sad.  But I'll get over it.  The other day I went to the park in downtown Pikeville to hang out with my friends Caitlin and Ellie, and Ellie's children.  'Twas pretty fun, although the saying goodbye part wasn't.  We had pizza from Little Caesar's.  It was good despite pepperoni, which is horrid.  It's odd that I've started saying goodbye to people already.  Most others who are preparing to start college are still enjoying their summer, spending as much time with their loved ones and friends as possible, not worrying about leaving just yet.  Yet everything's changing for me in about four days.  It's kind of terrifying.  I'll be fine, I'm sure, but still.  My little family of five (plus three cats who really don't count) here in Pikeville is probably the only real family I've ever had.  Everything else was so dysfunctional and all over the place.  I've lived in five states throughout my life, attended six different schools (two elementary, one middle, three high schools), and I've constantly been asked if I'm an "army brat" because I've moved so much.  Nope, it's just a combination of different, un-fun things that I couldn't control.  I guess I'm used to going to a new place and starting over.  New house, new school, new friends.  The thing is, I've almost always had my mother and sister with me.  I'll have my two best friends and their families, which is fantabulous, but it'll just take some getting used to, I imagine.

In a way, I actually feel slightly guilty for wanting to leave so badly when I know my family wishes I could stay.  I really hate Pikeville, I must confess.  I've grown to love the people in it, but I guess I dislike the city itself so much because it's been the place where so much crap has happened that I'm taking my anger from that out on the city in general.  But I think I've also grown as a person here, too.  I've done a lot of things I never thought I could, I've made up for things and for mistakes I've made in the past.  Hopefully I can continue getting better and won't fall into the trap of mediocrity again just because it's easier.

Pikeville, Kentucky

This entry was not supposed to be so somber.  Hmm . . . I should fix that.  BOOGA BOOGA!  There we go.

Into the thick of it

The time has come.  It is the beginning of my final week in Pikeville, Kentucky, and it is therefore time for me to start [insert "dun dun DUNNN" here] cleaning my bedroom.  It's turned into something of a sinkhole.  Actually, I wish it had, because then the earth could just eat all the stuff and I wouldn't have to worry about it.  But alas.  So the agenda for Sunday, June 12, 2011 is to make this room habitable for the person who shall inhabit it.  And, you know, just make it possible to walk through without killing yourself or getting bitten on the ankle by the demon rabbit-alligator that lives under the bed.

I removed all the posters from my wall the other day.  It was tragic.  My sister is now the owner of all the Orlando Bloom posters that I've had since I was twelve or thirteen.  He was my first huge obsessive crush.  Now my walls are all naked and ugly.  And there's an odd circular discoloration on the wall to my right -- methinks that the people living here before us had a mirror or something.  Interesting little nugget of info that's actually not very interesting at all.  Every time I look up, I keep expecting to see one of my numerous posters, photographs, and magazine clippings, but there's nothing.  My Glee calendar is still up, but that's because if I don't have it I'll lose track of the days and be oh, so confused.

I feel the need to paint my nails.  But the stuff never stays on very long, despite "protective layers" and all that jazz.  It's annoying.  Can you tell I'm procrastinating the cleaning?  Is it obvious?  Is it?  I'm just sitting here talking about anything and everything, because the thought of getting up and dragging a trash bag into my room to rid myself of this junk is extremely unappealing.

So!  Who's read The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold?  I have!  I love it!  I checked it out from the library the other day and finished it in one sitting, which is actually fast even by my standards.  Although, to be fair, it's not a very long book.  But still!  It's an awesome book.  Very trippy and dream-like -- my favorite.  And, yes, I know this isn't college-related, which is supposedly the point of this entire blog.  My family thinks I'm morbid because I tend to read books about death.  (Although, to insert something that is college-related, I totally intend to take a seminar in my junior year about death and dying.  Heh, heh, heh.)

NO, I'm not procrastinating.  Sigh.  Fine, I'll go.

So it begins . . .

I'm not normally the best when it comes to keeping and updating blogs.  I tend to just give up on them when it's apparent that nobody but me reads them.  But I was inspired to after I realized that I will soon (one week left) be leaving my family and will be starting a new life in a brand new place, with brand new people.  So maybe my loved ones and others will be able to experience the fun and not-so-fun things with me.

At the moment I'm living in Pikeville, Kentucky with my mother, my sister, and my two aunts.  Plus three annoying cats who don't really count.  In a week I'll be driving to Kirksville, Missouri to be with one of my best friends for the remainder of the summer before moving into the dorms at Truman State University, where I'll be rooming with said best friend and other best friend!  It's a combination of epic proportions.

Me, Lauren, and Kat

See?  Aren't they awesome?

I can't say how often I'll update this, but hey!  Maybe it'll be fun.