This was definitely posted in March

In case you're wondering, I most certainly am NOT writing this on April 1 and changing the date and time to make it look like it was written on March 31 so I don't already break my "one-post-a-month" streak.  So quit asking!

Anyway.

What's new with me?  The last we heard of my tale, I had just had a septoplasty and was super stoked to be able to breathe.  So... can I breathe?

The surgery worked for the most part, but I still struggle here and there with, ironically, the nostril that never really had the problem in the first place.  A couple of people have suggested that I go back to my doctor to get it checked out, but after the expense of the first visit and just the camera to look up in there, not to mention the surgery itself, I think I'll pass.  Because America.

In other news, our lovely guinea pig, Elvira, has been sick for a month-and-a-half, and we don't know why.  $300, two vet visits, four different medications, and an x-ray later, and we're still not sure what it is.  We've ruled out a URI, allergies, pneumonia, and heart problems.  What's odd is that usually when a guinea pig is sick, they'll stop eating, drinking, and doing, well, anything.  But Elvira eats and drinks, but she's got the constant snuffles and she's lost a significant bit of weight (in spite of eating).  It has been suggested to us that she has some form of cancer, in which case there's not really much for us to do other than watch her, love her, and make sure she's not suffering.

In more other news, in mid-February, I bought a plane ticket to go up to Québec City to see Bruno Pelletier in concert.  (Who's shocked?  Are you shocked?  It's my twelfth concert of his.  Don't be shocked.)  My darling, lovely friend, Karen, is going to fly up from New Jersey to attend the show with me, and it is going to be magical.  Even more magical will be the fact that I'm spending more than twenty-five hours there.  This time it'll be about forty-eight!

In about mid-March, I drove out to Missouri to see my two bestest friends in the whole, wide world.  Merriment was made.  There was a lot of laughing, hanging out, and drinking.

In the last bit of news, I just purchased tickets for my mom and me to go see Eddie Izzard in Nashville.  It's the same tour that Theo and I saw last year, but it's hilarious, and my mom has never seen Eddie, so it'll be super fun.  I'm stoked.

Noodles.

Septoplasty Fun

One thing I didn't know would be happening when I posted my first blog entry of the year was that I would be undergoing surgery!  Many of you (I'm not even sure how many "of you" are reading this) know that I've had breathing issues for about seven years now.  In very early January 2012, during the Christmas break of my freshman year at Truman, I had a cold.  The weird thing was that I never seemed to get over it--ever since then, for every single night I've needed to use Breathe Right strips on my nose to help me sleep.  Every night for seven years, otherwise I would get very little to no sleep.  A trip to my PCP didn't help, as he didn't have the right equipment to give my nose a good look to see what was going on.  And then I didn't have insurance for a long time, so I tried to just deal with it.  And let me just say: Breathe Right strips are expensive.  To get the brand name ones, often the only ones that work, they're about $12 for 26 strips.  So that's just over a dollar for two strips, so let's round around and say that it's $14 for a month's worth of Breathe Right strips every night for seven years.

Y'all.  That's approximately $1,176.  I have spent over a thousand dollars in breathing strips over the past seven years.  $14 a month doesn't sound like a lot until you add it all up, especially when you realize that for the majority of those seven years, I was making barely any money and was in school.  Bruh.

So what changed, you may ask?  Well, in January of this year, I noticed that my general congestion was getting much worse.  I tried everything: allergy meds, cold meds, you name it; nothing worked.  It got to the point where I couldn't be on the phones occasionally at work because I was so clogged that the person on the other end couldn't understand me.  I couldn't sleep at night, even with the strips.  I started getting nasal spray, but I didn't want to become dependent on it.  So, finally, one day I made the decision to find an otarhinolaryngologist  (say that ten times fast) in Brentwood, where I work.  I knew it would likely be weeks before I could get in, but I knew I had to get the process started.  So imagine my surprise when they said they'd had a cancellation for the very next morning!

I visited Dr. Huber (whom I totally recommend), and he knew from the very moment he looked up my poor, exhausted nose that I had a very badly deviated septum.  He used a special camera to look for polyps and things, but he knew immediately that I would need a septoplasty: surgery to correct the deviated septum.  A look online told me that the recovery would be brutal, but I was willing and ready to be able to breathe again.

The surgery was scheduled for Tuesday, February 5.  It went by extremely quickly: one minute I was scooting onto the surgical table and the next minute I was waking up in recovery.  Theo took very good care of me and stayed home for the rest of the day to help me and keep an eye on me.  The next couple days were no fun, but my mom helped me out immensely, as well.  It's now Day Four after the surgery, and I'm still not back to normal, but I'm a hell of a lot better than I was.  I can't wait until I'm able to breathe freely!  There's still some congestion, and I constantly have to drown myself with saline irrigations, but it's all worth it!  I'm so stoked to feel better.  I have a follow-up appointment with Dr. Huber on Monday, and then I'll be back at work that day.  Until then, I'm still trying to take it easy!  WOO for breathing!

2019 Incoming

New year, new me?  New year, new blog?  Not quite.  I had considered starting an all-new blog, but decided against it in the end.  I did change the URL, however, and I ask that everyone (all two of you) reading this not share it with anyone else.  I would prefer that only people on my Facebook friends list be able to access this blog, as that's the only place I'm sharing it.  Obviously, I can't prevent anyone from sharing it, but hey.  As unlikely as it is, if someone asks you to share it with them and they're not on my friends list, just ask me first.  The extreme option would be to make the blog private and only accessible to those whose e-mail I've added to a list, but that's super excessive.  So, hey, don't share, please?

Anyway, now that that's over with.

It's 2019!  It's almost time for the twenties.  I'm turning twenty-eight this year.  Gah.  2018 was not a good one.  I can easily say it was the worst year of my life.  I lost my brother at the end of 2017 and I lost a good friend in November.  But a lot of good things happened, too.  We adopted two new guinea pigs, Elvira and Marigold; Theo and I saw Eddie Izzard in Chattanooga; I drove up to Columbus, Ohio to see Bruno Pelletier's second American performance; I bought a new car, a 2018 Honda CR-V; my sister, Sarah, and I got tattoos together in honor of Michael's twenty-seventh birthday; Lauren and Kat came to visit me; my mom and I met the Property Brothers, Jonathan and Drew Scott; Theo and I went to the Atlanta Comic Con and I met Rodger Bumpass, Jim Cummings, Matt Lewis, and Sean Astin; Emily and I drove up to Michigan to spend time with our family; Theo and I went to Dragon Con and I met Tom Kenny, Victor Garber, Craig Parker, Tara Strong, and Jason Isaacs; Theo and I went to the Titanic museum in Pigeon Forge; Kat came to Nashville and we saw Idina Menzel and Josh Groban together; I chopped my hair off and dyed it red; I went down to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter at Universal Studios with Kat, Lauren, and Liz; I left Honda and started a new job in Brentwood.  Listing all that stuff, I do realize that a lot of great stuff happened, but it's hard to focus on that in light of what else I went through.  But hey, now I'm just hoping that 2019 will be amazing.

Lots of good things should be happening this year.  We're going to try to sell our house and buy a new one.  We're seeing both Shinedown and Disturbed in concert.  Who knows what else will happen?  Hopefully good things!  I'll try to go back to posting at least once a month in this blog, but we'll see how that works.

27 in t-minus (what does that even mean?) 6 days

I may have hidden my year of birth on Facebook, but we all know the truth: I'm turning twenty-seven next week.  This doesn't make me particularly happy, as I'll finally be in my late twenties.  There's nothing wrong with that, but I don't want to be there.  Yet I will be.  I remember in the fifth grade, my teacher, Miss Jenson, told us that she was twenty-eight, and I had thought that was so old.  Well, now she'll be about forty-five, wherever she may be.  In The Parent Trap with Lindsay Lohan, the evil future-step-mom Meredith says she's twenty six.  Again, I had thought that was so old.  I am now older than that.  Ugh.

ANYWAY.  Regardless of all that, I'm actually excited for my birthday.  I didn't have a great one last year, due to falling and hurting myself at the waterfall where Jay proposed, almost getting pummeled by a semi-truck, and finding out my favorite store in the mall was gone forever.  But this year!  What am I doing this year, you may ask?  I'm working!

BUT AFTER THAT.

Two days after my birthday, on August 31, Jay and I will be driving down to Atlanta (again) for a comic con (again).  However, this time it will be the con I have always wanted to go to but thought I couldn't afford: Dragon Con.  I hadn't realized that one could buy single day passes for $50 instead of a pass for all five days for $150.  While Lauren and Kat were here in June, I had been rather upset, as one of my favorite actors, Craig Parker (who played Haldir in The Lord of the Rings) is scheduled to be there, and I knew I couldn't afford the $300 for Jay and me to go see him.

When I realized a while later, however, that one could buy single day passes, I was ecstatic.  So we got the passes, and I quickly learned some of my other favorite people are scheduled to be there: Victor Garber (Titanic, Legally Blonde, Roger's and Hammerstein's Cinderella, Annie), Tom Kenny (the voice of SpongeBob), and Tara Strong (Timmy Turner from Fairly OddParents, Dil Pickles from Rugrats, Twilight Sparkle from My Little Pony).  I was disappointed that my favorite actor ever, Jason Isaacs (Lucius Malfoy in Harry Potter, Captain Hook in 2003's Peter Pan, Captain Lorca in Star Trek: Discovery, Colonel Tavington in The Patriot), wouldn't be there, as he was the previous year.  But still, I was excited!

Then.

I woke up one morning to a notification on Facebook that Jay had tagged me in a post.  It was Dragon Con announcing that Jason Isaacs was now scheduled to attend Dragon Con.

I cried.  Seriously.  I legit cried.

I have dreamt of meeting Jason Isaacs for years, and years, and years.  I have done my absolute best to see as much of his filmography as possible, including going to see Elektra in theatres just because he was in the first five minutes, even though I'd already seen those five minutes online when they released it as a teaser.

Words cannot express how excited I am.  I've been saving up as much money as I can, and when people ask what I want for my birthday, all I can say is money for Dragon Con (still ain't cheap, even though I just got a one-day pass).  I'll probably miss a lot of the festivities of the con by waiting in line for Jason-related stuff, and I'll likely not get to see everyone else on my list, but I don't care.  It's Jason.  My favorite actor ever.

I'm.

so.

stoked.

Continuing.

I've spent five months not knowing how to write another blog entry.  I've tried and failed multiple times, but nothing has felt right.  It's five months ago today that my brother died, which seems hard to believe, because that feels like both no time at all and an eternity.  But we keep going.  We're not moving on, but we're continuing, which is all we can really do.  And it's what Michael would want us to do.

Lots has happened in the past four months since my last entry.  We adopted two new guinea pigs, Marigold and Elvira, who come with their own set of maintenance since they're what breeders call "silkies," which means they have super long hair that needs to be brushed and trimmed regularly.  They're about the same age as Eleanor and Lucy (three), and they certainly have their own personalities.  They're definitely less timid than the other two, and aren't afraid to make their displeasure known if they want vegetables and you fail to provide them in a timely manner.  It was stressful for the first few days that we had them, not knowing if the four of them would be able to get along, but now it's as if they've always been together.  Thank God, because we don't have the space for two separate cages.

In early March, I went down to Georgia to celebrate my little sister Mary's eleventh (holy crap) birthday.  We had a super fun time at Sky Zone, an indoor trampoline park, and then at an actual outdoor park.  If there's one single positive thing that has come from losing Michael, it's the realization that I need to spend time with my family more, which has led to me promising to try to go down to Georgia for everyone's birthdays.  I was off to a good start, but I wasn't able to go down for Jackson's and Momma's birthdays since Jay got sick suddenly, but I already have plans to go back down again this summer.

Something super exciting happened in early April: Bruno Pelletier came to Columbus, Ohio for his second performance in the U.S.  (The first was back in 2009 in Los Angeles which I was, obviously, unable to attend.)  Naturally, I was super stoked since Columbus is only six hours from me, as opposed to the usual twenty by car.  In order to break up the trip, I drove up to Kentucky to spend a couple nights with my mom and sister and then drive the four hours to Columbus.  It meant a longer trip, but it didn't seem as bad with a couple nights of sleep in between.  It was the first time I had ever driven myself to one of Bruno's shows, as every other time I was either driven by someone else, or I took public transportation.  It was almost like coming full circle, spending some time with my mom, sister, and aunts before seeing Bruno the next day, hearkening back to 2008 and 2009 when I lived there before school and obsessed over Bruno's music 24/7, desperate to see him perform.  And then there I was, ten years later, getting ready to see him in the U.S., already having seen him perform a whopping ten times in concern, plus other interactions outside of his shows.  Pretty nifty, if I do say so myself.

A little while later, I bought a new car: a 2018 Honda CR-V.  Maybe it's a "mom car," but I don't care.  It's cute and its name is Marshmallow.  It's also the first new car I've ever had, as B.B., my Chevrolet Aveo5 was a 2009 and Lokia, my Kia Soul ! was a 2015.  Of course, it's already got over 3,000 miles on it because I've driven it down to Georgia once and I drive at least 190 miles a week, but that's beside the point.

Also in April, I finished the novel I've been working on for four years, The Edge of the Ocean.  It still needs a lot of editing, but the fact that I've written twenty chapters and almost 100,000 words over a period of four years is still pretty awesome.

On April 22, Michael would have turned 27.  Jay and I went down to Georgia for the day to spend time with my family.  We started out by getting lunch with Sarah, Jesse, and Sarah's husband, TJ, before Sarah and I went and got tattoos together in honor of Michael.  After that, we met up with our parents, and Jackson and Mary to paint ceramic things since Michael was an artist.

Kat and I have also made plans to go see Josh Groban and Idina Menzel in Nashville this October.  I am SO excited, as I've never seen Josh before, nor Idina.  Kat and Lauren saw Josh back in 2011, just before I moved out to Missouri, and now it's finally my turn!  EEEEE!!

In about a week-and-a-half, Lauren and Kat are going to come stay with me for a few days, a spur-of-the-moment decision due to Lauren having a bunch of extra vacation days that she'll lose if she doesn't use them before the end of June.  So, of course, I'm happy to help with that!

A friend of mine, Jordan, whom I met during my brief stay in Georgia when I was sixteen, is getting married at the end of June, and I'll be driving down to attend!  Around this time, my mom and sister will also be moving in with Jay and me while they hunt for apartments in the Shelbyville area.  Yay for free guinea pig-sitters!

The Atlanta Comic-Con is happening in July, and Jay and I will be attending as part of an early birthday present for me.  We shall be meeting Matthew Lewis (Neville Longbottom from the Harry Potter films), Sean Astin (Samwise Gamgee from The Lord of the Rings, and Jim Cummings (the voice of every character you can ever think of, such as Winnie the Pooh, Tigger, and Pete the cat).

In August, Emily and I are going to drive up to visit our family in Michigan for a few days.  Aaaand in early November, Lauren, Kat, and I are going to visit the Wizarding World of Harry Potter together!  SQUEE!  (Yes, I have wanderlust; I am unable to stay home for more than a few months at a time.)

That's about it for now.  I'm sure there will be more.  Keep noodling.

Michael.

The new year didn’t begin at all like how I thought it would. I had intended to write my traditional last post of the year “highlighting” everything that happened throughout 2017, just like I always do. Because even though time passes, and we get older, and things change, we never really expect things to really change. Maybe we’ll start college in another state, or we’ll get a new job, or we’ll move to a new country, or we’ll get married. I had an amazing year. I got a great new job and I married the man I love. But then things can change in the blink of an eye, leaving you stunned and wondering what it was like to feel happy in the first place.

On Friday, December 29, 2017, my older brother, Michael Hamill, died. He was 26, like me. Finding out that I lost my brother is a memory that is going to be burned into my mind for the rest of my life. I was at work. I picked up the phone and heard my father heave a long sigh. And time seemed to slow, because I just knew that by the end of that sigh, nothing would be the same again. But I never imagined that it would be because I had lost my brother. Two days later, my oldest sister, Dawn, and I were down in Georgia. The funeral wasn’t until the following Saturday, but we wanted to be there and do whatever we could, even though we knew there wasn’t much. Wednesday, January 3 was my husband’s twenty-fifth birthday. It was also the day I saw my brother’s body for the first time.

At work the next two days, I might have seemed fine to the casual observer. I smiled a bit, and laughed a little, but the second I was left alone, all I could think about was Michael. I could feel his presence all around me, and the loss of him was crushing, like there was a big weight on my chest that I couldn’t remove. On the fifth, exactly a week after he died, I could only get through half the day. A picture of him on Instagram sent me spiraling. Just a picture

The next day, my father’s birthday, was my brother’s funeral. It was held at the Mormon church my family attended. Theo and I drove down together, followed by Dawn, and met up with our grandparents, who had flown down from Michigan. I had never been to a funeral before. I had been to a couple memorials, both held at Mormon churches, but never one with a viewing, and certainly never one for a family member; I had been unable to attend either my great-grandmother’s funeral when I was little, nor my uncle’s memorial in 2012.

At the funeral, we celebrated my brother’s life. We remembered him and we loved him. It was easily one of the most difficult days of my life, sitting in the front pew, directly in front of his casket, with my other siblings, my parents, and my grandparents. I listened to my grandmother give his eulogy and my mother speak about Michael, her firstborn child. I signed my name on a board, along with everyone else. I plucked a rose from his casket. I touched his hand, told him I loved him, and said goodbye.

It’s been almost three weeks since he died and two weeks since the funeral, and the crushing weight his absence has left hasn’t dissipated in the slightest. I miss him. I keep forgetting he’s not here anymore. I’m surrounded by people who look at me with pity for a moment, but then quickly change the subject, as if they’re afraid I’ll burst into tears on their shoulder. People ask probing questions under the guise of concern, but what really just seems like morbid curiosity. I stress about the amount of work I’ve missed. Life is continuing for everyone else but him. We plan our futures, plan the addition of two new guinea pigs, but he’s always there in the back of my mind. Always. I’m laughing at some joke Theo said, but then I’m passing Michael’s picture hanging in the hallway, and I stop, my eyes drawn immediately to his face. And the pain returns, burning even more than before.

There are nine of us siblings. Dawn, David, Emily, Michael, Ashlee, Sarah, Jesse, Jackson, and Mary. Nine. There was never supposed to be a world in which one of us didn’t exist. Or, at least, not for a very, very long time. But now one of us is gone and the rest of us have to try to find a way to move on without him. There will always be nine, but it’ll never be the same again.

Michael, I love you. I know I didn’t tell you that enough. I know we didn’t talk enough. There aren’t any pictures of just us two. I love you, and I miss you, and I want so badly to wake up and find out that this has all been a nightmare. I’m trying to keep on living my life, but it’s hard. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I know I’ll see you again, but it’s hard to know that it’ll be a long time before that happens. You were such an amazing, kind, loving person. I feel so lucky to count you as my brother.

Michael Paul Hamill. April 22, 1991 - December 29, 2017.

Weddings, honeymoons, Evanescence, a new job, Montréal, and hockey, oh my!

Okay, so it's been two months since I last updated, but if you'd like to know what I've been doing since my twenty-sixth birthday, you need only read the title of this entry.

1. The main thing (I suppose), is that I got married!  On September 30, 2017 in Wartrace, Tennessee, Jay and I said "I do" before our friends and family.  Most of my paternal family was able to come down from Michigan, as did my dad and most of my siblings up from Georgia, as well as my mom, sister, and aunt, and my second family in Missouri.  It was an amazing day, and none of it would have been possible without my amazing parents-in-law, Ted and Pam.  They're practically perfect in every way.  It was a beautiful, cloudless day, and it was a crackin' good time.  It was also nice just to spend time with my friends and family who live super far away.

2. A week after the wedding, Jay and I left for our honeymoon!  It was amazing.  Times ten.  We spent the first day driving down to Orlando, and then the next three days were at DISNEY WORLD!  Sigh.  I miss it.  Then, after a day at New Smyrna Beach on the east coast, we were off to Universal Studios.  Though we explored the Jurassic Park portion (duh), the main reason for going was, of course, the Wizarding World of Harry Potter.  And while we loved it, I don't think it quite measured up to the epicness that is Disney World.  But it was still awesome!

3. About a week-and-a-half after we got back from the honeymoon, we headed up to Nashville to see Evanescence!  I hadn't seen them since 2012 (I say "them," but Amy Lee is the only member who was in the band during that concert in St. Louis who is still with them), so it was awesome to see them again.  It was completely different from their usual tour in that they were accompanied by a symphony from Nashville.  A lot of people don't like the new album, but I love it!

4. A little while later, I got a job!  I now work as a service cashier at the Honda dealership in Murfreesboro.  There's more to it than just using a register to cash people out, and I rather enjoy it.  The best part is the people I work with - they're all nuts.

5. Back in April (I think), when I still worked in hell--I mean, my previous place of employment--I purchased concert and plane tickets for one of Bruno Pelletier's shows near Montréal.  Karen drove up from NJ and she met me at the airport.  I spent literally 25 hours in Québec, but it was unforgettable.  We interviewed Bruno before the show for the American fanclub, had super close seats in the front row, and then I was picked to choose one of the last songs of the evening from a super cool box.  It was incredible.

6. Aaaand on November 22, Jay and I headed back to Nashville, this time for my very first hockey game!  I've always loved hockey (it's in my blood), but this was the first time I'd ever been able to see a game live.  It was the Nashville Predators vs. the Montréal Canadiens, my favorite team.  The Habs (the Canadiens' nickname) lost, but it was still really close and super fun.  Now the Habs are playing the Detroit Red Wings (my family team and my second-favorite team) tonight, so I'ma try to watch it!

Aaaand, that's literally about it.  I have a job, which is a huge load off my mind, Christmas is coming, and tomorrow is my mommy's birthday!  Yay!