2020 Vision

I've started this post over and over, mainly because I was never quite sure if I was going to continue with my blog this year.  I've had it since mid-2011, which is a feat in and of itself, but I've been posting less and less in here with 2018 having a record low of three entries.  Why?  Well, 2018 was a terrible year for me, and I just couldn't make myself care enough to write here.  But now that 2020 has arrived and January is creeping along - very - slowly, I've decided to keep on truckin'.

Mainly because I want to talk about my puppy.

That's right, people.  Everyone who's reading this already likely knows the biggest news to hit news stands: Ashlee and Theo are getting a puppy!  He is a golden retriever (an "English Cream," which just means his fur is super light) and, as I write this, he is six weeks old.  We are set to pick which puppy in the litter of eight will be ours on January 25 and we will bring him home a week later on February 1.  I've spent the past several months preparing, and now it's almost time!  Our lovely boy's name?  Draco!

We're as prepared as we can possibly be: we've got his crate, toys, brushes, toothbrush and toothpaste, toys, shampoo, carpet cleaner, blankets, toys, food, treats, and did I mention toys?  We'll also be employing clicker/positive reinforcement training, which I learned about from dog trainer Zak George and his books and YouTube videos, in order to have the best behaved boy possible.

There may be some who wonder why we're purchasing our puppy from a breeder instead of adopting a dog from a shelter or rescue.  Why a golden retriever, you may ask?  Well, the short answer is to protect our three guinea pigs by having a dog with a low prey drive.  But golden retriever rescues exist, you say.  Yes, that's true, but we don't know what's in those dogs' pasts.  We explored that option and saw that a lot of those dogs need to be in a "one pet only" household, or only come in bonded pairs.  We need to raise our puppy around our guinea pigs to ensure the safest interactions possible, though said interactions will be minimal.  We're not looking to have the picture perfect Instagram pets where our dog cuddles with our guinea pigs, and it's all idyllic.  We just want our guinea pigs to be safe.  Though I don't owe anyone explanations, I do want to insist that it's never been about just wanting a golden retriever puppy, so we run to the nearest breeder.  Getting Draco has not been a spur-of-the-moment decision, a Christmas gift, or anything like that.  We've done a lot of research and decided this was the best avenue for us to pursue.  However, we've also decided that our next dog (we're considering the possibility of having two at once several years down the road) will most definitely be a rescue, as our guinea pigs will no longer be in the picture.  (They'll have gone to their permanent vacation home in Norway by that point, you know.)

Another thing people might wonder is if we're getting a dog to "prepare" us to have children.  Theo and I have been married for over two years, so you might wonder when the baby making wheels will start turning.  Well, those wheels are firmly stuck at the moment, as I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, which essentially means that becoming pregnant is very difficult.  I've contemplated making a post about this, but basically, we've been trying to get pregnant since we got married with no luck.  We still want children, but that's a desire that's separate from getting Draco.  I'm not looking for pity or advice.  We've seen a fertility specialist.  Adoption is a possibility.  But we're also still young.  We've got time.  If we were to find out we were pregnant tomorrow, nothing would change.  We'd just be pregnant while raising a puppy, and we'd have an unruly teenager dog and three guinea pigs at the same time as a newborn.  No big.  The point is, if we did suddenly become pregnant, it wouldn't affect our pets.

So, yeah, there's that.

In other news, I just bought my seventh pair of Converse, which is extremely exciting.  Note to self: hide them from Draco.

2020 is promising to be a great year.  It'll be filled with a trip down to Florida, a trip up to Ohio for a metal music festival (METALLICA AND EVANESCENCE WHAT), trips to Missouri for my beloved Kat's wedding, hopefully another round at the Titanic Conference in Pigeon Forge, possibly a trip up to Wisconsin to see my beloved Lauren, aaand who knows what else!  Lots of puppy poop.  Maybe we'll get pregnant.  Maybe we won't.  Right now, I'm content to just wait and see.

Noodles

A lot has happened since I last wrote in June!  (Technically I wrote in July, but that was just an FAQ for my Edge Series trilogy, WHICH I FINISHED.)  So let’s just dive right in, shall we?

In mid-July, Theo and I went down to spend the weekend in Atlanta for our second year of Atlanta Comic Con!  His highlight was meeting Steve Downes, who voices Master Chief from the Halo series, Theo’s favorite video game.  It was adorable.  We attended the Q&A panel for Bonnie Wright, who played Ginny Weasley in the Harry Potter series, and I got to meet her afterward, get an autograph on my copy of Chamber of Secrets, and get a selfie with her!  I talked to her about the short film she directed, Medusa’s Ankles, which stars my favorite actor, Jason Isaacs, and it was wonderful.  We also got to have dinner with my sister and brother, Sarah and Jesse, and then we spent the rest of the evening with my mom, brother Jackson, and sister Mary.  It was lovely.

Later that month, Theo and I spent the day down in Huntsville, Alabama at the U.S. Space and Rocket Center.  It was super nifty and fun, and before that, we had breakfast with my wonderful, amazing, glorious ex-coworker, Becky!  She and I were cashiers together at Honda, and I was devastated when she moved down to live in Alabama, though I was pleased she would be happier living closer to her family.  Still.  She’s the best coworker I ever had.  She brought me orange juice one morning when she knew I was sick.  She’s quite literally the sweetest person I have ever had the luck of knowing.

In early August, the guys who mow our lawn accidentally sent a rock from our gravel driveway into the back passenger window of my car, shattering it.  That was fun.  But luckily they’re insured, so it was paid for in full, and it was totally fixed by the following Monday.  But still.  That was a fun time.

A little later, I received acceptance to attend Middle Tennessee State University this Spring to study to be a graphic designer!  (A little more on that later.)

Late August was something I had been looking forward to for a while: the Titanic Conference!  I had been trying to go for two years, but I was never able to manage it.  I drove out on Thursday morning to Pigeon Forge, spent some time at the museum, and then headed over to the meet-and-greet that evening.  I talked to a few people that night, but my anxiety got the best of me, and I struggled to really do much other than sit there like a lump.  The next day, after the first couple of sessions, I had lunch at Shoney’s with three dudes, and we talked about the ship, and it was glorious.  That night, we had a fancy dinner at the museum, and I met Rachel, who is a positively glorious human.  We spent the dinner talking about everything from Titanic to Dungeons and Dragons, and later we drove back to the hotel together, and we hung out until the wee hours of the morning with the Titanic: Honor and Glory team.  It was awesome.  Sad part is, she and her husband live in Arizona.  Which is far and gives me the sads.

At the end of the month, I turned twenty-eight.  Ugh.  But then right after, Theo and I went back down to Atlanta for this year’s iteration of Dragon Con!  We only attended on Saturday last year, but this year we were there for Saturday, Sunday, and Monday.  Saturday was pretty much spent just waiting to get into David Tennant’s Q&A panel, which was hilarious and lots of fun.  We then got to meet him briefly and take our photo with him later that day!

The next day, Lauren flew down from Wisconsin!  It was her first con ever, so we started it off with a bang by meeting Dan Fogler, who plays Jacob in Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them.  She got an autograph and spoke to him for a little bit, and then we went over to meet Rodger Bumpass, who voices Squidward in SpongeBob SquarePants.  (I met him last year at Atlanta Comic Con, so I didn’t really say anything and just watched.)  We also went to a really cool panel with four YA authors about the “fandom genre,” which is basically novels that center around some sort of fandom, like comic cons, TV shows, book series, etc.  (The most popular one is Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell.)  The best part was that a friend of mine, Lindsay Ribar, was one of the panelists.  We met via Facebook a while back after I discovered a super old website she had made on Angelfire dedicated to Bruno Pelletier.  Amazed that there was an American fan whose favorite song was also my favorite song, and who was also a writer, I messaged her on Facebook and we became friends.  (Her books are awesome, and you should go read them.)

The next day we spent most of the day in the Vendors area, where Lauren got a super adorable hat, and I got a stuffed bear named Lumi.  (Because what else do you get at a comic con?)

After the con, Lauren drove back up to Tennessee with us to spend a week just hanging out!  We perused Murfreesboro, spending lots and lots of time at Starbucks, reading and writing; we did some shopping, drank even more coffee; and went up to Nashville at one point for a dinner.  A good time was had by all!

The best part of Lauren’s visit was on Tuesday, the day after we got back from Atlanta, when we drove the five-and-a-half hours to St. Louis to surprise Kat!  I had been coordinating with Kat’s fiancé for months about surprising her, and we pulled it off!  Kat was stunned, to say the least.  We got lunch at the Cheesecake Factory, as per our tradition, and hung out at the Galleria for several hours, just like old times, before Lauren and I headed back to Tennessee, arriving at about eleven or midnight.  It was magical and 110% worth it.

About a week or so ago, Theo and I changed our plans for next spring/summer.  We’re not going to Disney World in April . . . we’re going to London in May!  We’re both so unbelievably excited.  We got tickets on Virgin Atlantic for an amazing price – about 33% cheaper than going to Disney World.  Granted, the Disney tickets included the hotel and dining plan, but still.  WEE!  So far, we’ve decided that we want to see as much as the UK as we can in a week, so we’re not just gonna stay in London the whole time.  My main priorities are going down to Southampton and hopefully up to Scotland, while Theo really wants to go to Derbyshire, where his family is from.  I would also really like to take the Eurostar over to Paris for a day!  EEEEE!!!

Now.  Back to the thing about me going back to school.  So I’ve always known I wanted to go back to school.  I know I can’t spend the rest of my life in data entry.  I just can’t.  After gaining some experience with Adobe InDesign and falling in love with it, Lauren suggested that I actively pursue graphic design.  And I loved this idea, so I applied and was accepted.  I even toured the art department and met one of the graphic design professors.

However, there was always this voice in the back of my mind asking if this was really what I wanted.  Did I want to spend another three or so years in school to have a completely different career track?  Yeah, I’m good at InDesign, but I’m not great at drawing, and who knows if I would be good at the rest?  In the end, the decision not to study graphic design wasn’t out of a fear of failure, but of a realization that there’s something I want to do more: teach!

Teaching has been in the back of my mind since I got my degree in French four years ago.  Sometimes I thought I didn’t want to teach, other times I did.  Now I’ve decided that I really think I do.  I know it’ll be incredibly difficult, draining—emotionally, mentally, and physically—and that there’ll be days when all I want to do is quit.  But I really, really want to give this a go.  I want to make something out of myself, and I want to make a difference in the lives of others.  I don’t have delusions of being that one teacher for every student, the one who changed their lives, and who made them love school.  But I want to do my best to help.  (I also want to spread my love of French and/or English.)

So that’s what I’ve been doing as of late: figuring out what the heck I’m going to do in the spring!  I’m not 100% sure what I want to teach.  Obviously, French would be the easiest option, in that I would just need to do MTSU’s post baccalaureate program to get my teaching licensure, but I’m not sure I want to teach high school.  I really want to teach middle school, since I love that age, but that would mean finishing my English degree in addition to the teaching preparation.  I’ve also begun considering elementary age, so who the heck knows!  I’m trying to take things one step at a time!  Wish me luck!

In the last bit of news, my mom and I saw LeAnn Rimes tonight!  LeAnn was the first favorite singer I ever had, and I remember playing the crap out of her cassette for her first album, Blue.  In addition, my grandma and I have oodles of fun singing Blue whenever we're together!  The concert was AMAZING!

"The Edge Series" FAQ

I've finished my trilogy!  Now that I'm done, I realized that I get a lot of questions about it, so I thought it might be fun to write out a sort of FAQ.  Let's go!

1. What's it about?

The Titanic.

2. The movie or the ship?

Both, but mainly the ship and characters of my own invention or adaptation.

3. Are you obsessed with Jack and Rose?

Not at all.  I love the movie, but I don't care about their romance; I focus on the stories you see in the background.

4. Will you try to get published?

No.

5. Will you self-publish?

No.

6. Why not?

Because, for one thing, I'm using characters from the movie, and it would take a lot of effort to take them out of it.  For another, I also use real people who actually existed not that long ago, and I don't believe it would be appropriate to profit off of their lives, especially a fictionalized version, when their descendants are still around and actively working to preserve their memories.

7. Oh.

Yeah.

8. Titanic sucks.

Shut up, Jesse.

9. How long have you been working on the trilogy?

About five years.  The first book took the longest and I wrote the final two in a span of about six months.

10. Can I read it?

Sure.  I'd like to get it (or at least the first book) printed eventually, just for my own enjoyment, so let me know if you'd like a copy.

10a. How much will that cost?

I won't charge anything, except maybe shipping.

11. What's it really about?

It's about a young woman named Cate Alton, who is traveling as a first class passenger aboard Titanic.  Her father is the ship's first officer, William Murdoch.  After being introduced by him, she falls in love with the ship's sixth officer, James Moody.  Unfortunately, due to societal expectations, officer regulations, and a father not very much wanting his colleague to court his daughter, they have to work hard to be together.  Then, of course, there's the fact that they're on Titanic.

12. What characters from the movie are in it?

Cal, the movie's villain, is the only one who really makes extensive appearances.

13. Why do you like Titanic so much?

I don't know.  I've always felt a connection to the ship.  It's extremely difficult to explain.

14. What are you going to do now?

I'm going to Disney World!

(For real, though.)

Holy cheese puffs

I'm actually writing this before the month is over instead of retroactively changing the date because I'm weirdly anal about such things.  Wow.

What happened during the months of May and June, you may ask?  (Even if you don't ask, I'm still going to tell you.)

Well, the main thing would be that I flew up to Quebec City to spend a long weekend with my lovely friend, Karen.  We rented an AirBNB apartment and touristed ourselves into oblivion - walking through Vieux-Quebec, trudging up hills, and gorging ourselves on poutine.  Because obviously.  On Saturday night, we went to see Bruno Pelletier in concert (does this shock anyone) and were able to go visit with him for a bit during the intermission.  It was awesome.

The day after I got back, Theo and I went to see Shinedown at the Ryman.  Actually, a couple days before I flew up to Quebec, my mom and I saw Eddie Izzard, also at the Ryman.  So I pretty much just lived in Nashville for the weekend.

In June, Theo and I went to Knoxville for our friend, Brandy's, wedding.  It was quite lovely!  It made me wish it was our wedding day again.  I also spent the whole time drooling over Theo in his suit, because that's just the kind of person I am.

The following weekend, we went down to Georgia to spend some time with my family!  We got lunch at KFC (at the BIG CHICKEN) before going to my mom, sister's, and brother's apartment to swim for the afternoon.  Theo and I did not wear sun screen because we are stupid.  We swam, burnt, and had a jolly time.  That evening, we went to my sister Sarah's house to have one jumbo sleepover.  It was great!

Aaaand that's about it.  Oh, yeah.  One other thing.

We're going to Disney World!!

Okay, so it's not until April 2020.  (According to my countdown app, its 293 days away.)  But this kind of vacation requires lots of planning and obsession.  And that's what I'm doing!  I'm so excited.

In a couple weekends, we're going back down to Georgia for the Atlanta Comic Con.  I also have Independence Day off work, which is SUPER EXCITING, since I already have Wednesdays off due to working four ten-hour days a week, so that's two days off during the week!  WOO!  August will be filled with lots of stuff, like the Titanic Conference, which I may or may not attend, Dragon Con down in Atlanta (for which Lauren will be joining us during the last two days), aaaand my birthday!  So hopefully that's enough to keep my mind off of Disney World.

But I doubt it.

I'm not great at this

So April wasn't the best month, which probably explains my totally, not fake entry that I just so happened to post at the literal last minute of April so as not to ruin my "one post a month" streak.

To be quite honest, April sucked.

On April 11, we made the heart-wrenching decision for Elvira, one of our guinea pigs, to be put to sleep.  She had lost nearly half her body weight, in spite of eating often, and was clearly not doing well.  The vet believes she was suffering from either pneumonia or cancer, and after four previous unsuccessful rounds of different medications, we knew it was time.  It was the most difficult decision we've ever had to make, but we knew it had to be done for her sake.  We stayed with her the whole time, petting her and telling her how much we loved her.  The other three guinea pigs seem to be okay; luckily, they have each other, although there are occasional times where a guinea pig will grieve severely to the point where medical intervention is needed.  Early the following week, we picked up her ashes in a beautiful box with her name inscribed on it, along with, to our surprise, a lock of her long hair that the vet or one of her assistants had cut off for us.  Though we only had her for just over a year, we're immensely grateful for the time we got to spend with our lovely Mistress of Darkness.

Elvira Bellatrix
2015 - April 11, 2019

On April 15, the Notre-Dame cathedral in Paris caught fire.  Some of you may wonder why this would affect me, but I was pretty devastated.  Notre-Dame changed my life, though I've never seen it in person.  Without it, I never would have met several amazing people, including my two best friends.  The Disney movie, The Hunchback of Notre-Dame and the musical Notre-Dame de Paris would never have been made, and I never would have discovered the music of Bruno Pelletier.  If I hadn't discovered his music, I never would have met Lauren and Kat, nor would I have started teaching myself French.  If I hadn't met Lauren and Kat, I never would have gone to Truman, and if I hadn't fallen in love with French, I never would have gotten a Bachelor's degree in it.  If I hadn't gotten my B.A., I never would have spent a year living in Montréal.  Who knows what my life would be like if, in my senior year of high school, my art history teacher never talked about Gothic architecture and, in passing, mentioned Quasimodo sliding along the buttresses in the movie?

Notre-Dame came to symbolize so much for me.  It truly did help to change and shape my life.  So to see part of it go up in flames (and on the day Titanic sank, no less) was horrible.  But I'm ecstatic that they'll rebuild.  I'm glad it's not lost forever.

April 22 is also what would have been my brother Michael's 28th birthday.  I was unable to go down to Georgia (nor have I been able to go down at all this year, actually), which made it even harder.

But good things happened, too.  The final Avengers film, Endgame, came out and proved itself to be an absolutely amazing culmination of twenty-one (or is twenty-two?) films.  I've seen it three times and I think it's safe to say I'm addicted.  It's an incredible film.

On April 28, I finished the second novel of my series, The Way Back Home.  With 111,645 words, it's longer than Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban and, if printed as a paperback, would be about 450 pages or so.  I've already started on the third novel, so I'm not quite sure what I'll do when I've finished that one.

In late April, early May, Theo flew (for the first time ever!) to Las Vegas to spend several days there at a conference for work.  He had fun.  I was jealous.

And later this week, I'll be flying up to Québec City to spend a long weekend with my lovely friend, Karen.  It shall be magical.

Oops.

My bad.

This was definitely posted in March

In case you're wondering, I most certainly am NOT writing this on April 1 and changing the date and time to make it look like it was written on March 31 so I don't already break my "one-post-a-month" streak.  So quit asking!

Anyway.

What's new with me?  The last we heard of my tale, I had just had a septoplasty and was super stoked to be able to breathe.  So... can I breathe?

The surgery worked for the most part, but I still struggle here and there with, ironically, the nostril that never really had the problem in the first place.  A couple of people have suggested that I go back to my doctor to get it checked out, but after the expense of the first visit and just the camera to look up in there, not to mention the surgery itself, I think I'll pass.  Because America.

In other news, our lovely guinea pig, Elvira, has been sick for a month-and-a-half, and we don't know why.  $300, two vet visits, four different medications, and an x-ray later, and we're still not sure what it is.  We've ruled out a URI, allergies, pneumonia, and heart problems.  What's odd is that usually when a guinea pig is sick, they'll stop eating, drinking, and doing, well, anything.  But Elvira eats and drinks, but she's got the constant snuffles and she's lost a significant bit of weight (in spite of eating).  It has been suggested to us that she has some form of cancer, in which case there's not really much for us to do other than watch her, love her, and make sure she's not suffering.

In more other news, in mid-February, I bought a plane ticket to go up to Québec City to see Bruno Pelletier in concert.  (Who's shocked?  Are you shocked?  It's my twelfth concert of his.  Don't be shocked.)  My darling, lovely friend, Karen, is going to fly up from New Jersey to attend the show with me, and it is going to be magical.  Even more magical will be the fact that I'm spending more than twenty-five hours there.  This time it'll be about forty-eight!

In about mid-March, I drove out to Missouri to see my two bestest friends in the whole, wide world.  Merriment was made.  There was a lot of laughing, hanging out, and drinking.

In the last bit of news, I just purchased tickets for my mom and me to go see Eddie Izzard in Nashville.  It's the same tour that Theo and I saw last year, but it's hilarious, and my mom has never seen Eddie, so it'll be super fun.  I'm stoked.

Noodles.

Septoplasty Fun

One thing I didn't know would be happening when I posted my first blog entry of the year was that I would be undergoing surgery!  Many of you (I'm not even sure how many "of you" are reading this) know that I've had breathing issues for about seven years now.  In very early January 2012, during the Christmas break of my freshman year at Truman, I had a cold.  The weird thing was that I never seemed to get over it--ever since then, for every single night I've needed to use Breathe Right strips on my nose to help me sleep.  Every night for seven years, otherwise I would get very little to no sleep.  A trip to my PCP didn't help, as he didn't have the right equipment to give my nose a good look to see what was going on.  And then I didn't have insurance for a long time, so I tried to just deal with it.  And let me just say: Breathe Right strips are expensive.  To get the brand name ones, often the only ones that work, they're about $12 for 26 strips.  So that's just over a dollar for two strips, so let's round around and say that it's $14 for a month's worth of Breathe Right strips every night for seven years.

Y'all.  That's approximately $1,176.  I have spent over a thousand dollars in breathing strips over the past seven years.  $14 a month doesn't sound like a lot until you add it all up, especially when you realize that for the majority of those seven years, I was making barely any money and was in school.  Bruh.

So what changed, you may ask?  Well, in January of this year, I noticed that my general congestion was getting much worse.  I tried everything: allergy meds, cold meds, you name it; nothing worked.  It got to the point where I couldn't be on the phones occasionally at work because I was so clogged that the person on the other end couldn't understand me.  I couldn't sleep at night, even with the strips.  I started getting nasal spray, but I didn't want to become dependent on it.  So, finally, one day I made the decision to find an otarhinolaryngologist  (say that ten times fast) in Brentwood, where I work.  I knew it would likely be weeks before I could get in, but I knew I had to get the process started.  So imagine my surprise when they said they'd had a cancellation for the very next morning!

I visited Dr. Huber (whom I totally recommend), and he knew from the very moment he looked up my poor, exhausted nose that I had a very badly deviated septum.  He used a special camera to look for polyps and things, but he knew immediately that I would need a septoplasty: surgery to correct the deviated septum.  A look online told me that the recovery would be brutal, but I was willing and ready to be able to breathe again.

The surgery was scheduled for Tuesday, February 5.  It went by extremely quickly: one minute I was scooting onto the surgical table and the next minute I was waking up in recovery.  Theo took very good care of me and stayed home for the rest of the day to help me and keep an eye on me.  The next couple days were no fun, but my mom helped me out immensely, as well.  It's now Day Four after the surgery, and I'm still not back to normal, but I'm a hell of a lot better than I was.  I can't wait until I'm able to breathe freely!  There's still some congestion, and I constantly have to drown myself with saline irrigations, but it's all worth it!  I'm so stoked to feel better.  I have a follow-up appointment with Dr. Huber on Monday, and then I'll be back at work that day.  Until then, I'm still trying to take it easy!  WOO for breathing!

2019 Incoming

New year, new me?  New year, new blog?  Not quite.  I had considered starting an all-new blog, but decided against it in the end.  I did change the URL, however, and I ask that everyone (all two of you) reading this not share it with anyone else.  I would prefer that only people on my Facebook friends list be able to access this blog, as that's the only place I'm sharing it.  Obviously, I can't prevent anyone from sharing it, but hey.  As unlikely as it is, if someone asks you to share it with them and they're not on my friends list, just ask me first.  The extreme option would be to make the blog private and only accessible to those whose e-mail I've added to a list, but that's super excessive.  So, hey, don't share, please?

Anyway, now that that's over with.

It's 2019!  It's almost time for the twenties.  I'm turning twenty-eight this year.  Gah.  2018 was not a good one.  I can easily say it was the worst year of my life.  I lost my brother at the end of 2017 and I lost a good friend in November.  But a lot of good things happened, too.  We adopted two new guinea pigs, Elvira and Marigold; Theo and I saw Eddie Izzard in Chattanooga; I drove up to Columbus, Ohio to see Bruno Pelletier's second American performance; I bought a new car, a 2018 Honda CR-V; my sister, Sarah, and I got tattoos together in honor of Michael's twenty-seventh birthday; Lauren and Kat came to visit me; my mom and I met the Property Brothers, Jonathan and Drew Scott; Theo and I went to the Atlanta Comic Con and I met Rodger Bumpass, Jim Cummings, Matt Lewis, and Sean Astin; Emily and I drove up to Michigan to spend time with our family; Theo and I went to Dragon Con and I met Tom Kenny, Victor Garber, Craig Parker, Tara Strong, and Jason Isaacs; Theo and I went to the Titanic museum in Pigeon Forge; Kat came to Nashville and we saw Idina Menzel and Josh Groban together; I chopped my hair off and dyed it red; I went down to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter at Universal Studios with Kat, Lauren, and Liz; I left Honda and started a new job in Brentwood.  Listing all that stuff, I do realize that a lot of great stuff happened, but it's hard to focus on that in light of what else I went through.  But hey, now I'm just hoping that 2019 will be amazing.

Lots of good things should be happening this year.  We're going to try to sell our house and buy a new one.  We're seeing both Shinedown and Disturbed in concert.  Who knows what else will happen?  Hopefully good things!  I'll try to go back to posting at least once a month in this blog, but we'll see how that works.

27 in t-minus (what does that even mean?) 6 days

I may have hidden my year of birth on Facebook, but we all know the truth: I'm turning twenty-seven next week.  This doesn't make me particularly happy, as I'll finally be in my late twenties.  There's nothing wrong with that, but I don't want to be there.  Yet I will be.  I remember in the fifth grade, my teacher, Miss Jenson, told us that she was twenty-eight, and I had thought that was so old.  Well, now she'll be about forty-five, wherever she may be.  In The Parent Trap with Lindsay Lohan, the evil future-step-mom Meredith says she's twenty six.  Again, I had thought that was so old.  I am now older than that.  Ugh.

ANYWAY.  Regardless of all that, I'm actually excited for my birthday.  I didn't have a great one last year, due to falling and hurting myself at the waterfall where Jay proposed, almost getting pummeled by a semi-truck, and finding out my favorite store in the mall was gone forever.  But this year!  What am I doing this year, you may ask?  I'm working!

BUT AFTER THAT.

Two days after my birthday, on August 31, Jay and I will be driving down to Atlanta (again) for a comic con (again).  However, this time it will be the con I have always wanted to go to but thought I couldn't afford: Dragon Con.  I hadn't realized that one could buy single day passes for $50 instead of a pass for all five days for $150.  While Lauren and Kat were here in June, I had been rather upset, as one of my favorite actors, Craig Parker (who played Haldir in The Lord of the Rings) is scheduled to be there, and I knew I couldn't afford the $300 for Jay and me to go see him.

When I realized a while later, however, that one could buy single day passes, I was ecstatic.  So we got the passes, and I quickly learned some of my other favorite people are scheduled to be there: Victor Garber (Titanic, Legally Blonde, Roger's and Hammerstein's Cinderella, Annie), Tom Kenny (the voice of SpongeBob), and Tara Strong (Timmy Turner from Fairly OddParents, Dil Pickles from Rugrats, Twilight Sparkle from My Little Pony).  I was disappointed that my favorite actor ever, Jason Isaacs (Lucius Malfoy in Harry Potter, Captain Hook in 2003's Peter Pan, Captain Lorca in Star Trek: Discovery, Colonel Tavington in The Patriot), wouldn't be there, as he was the previous year.  But still, I was excited!

Then.

I woke up one morning to a notification on Facebook that Jay had tagged me in a post.  It was Dragon Con announcing that Jason Isaacs was now scheduled to attend Dragon Con.

I cried.  Seriously.  I legit cried.

I have dreamt of meeting Jason Isaacs for years, and years, and years.  I have done my absolute best to see as much of his filmography as possible, including going to see Elektra in theatres just because he was in the first five minutes, even though I'd already seen those five minutes online when they released it as a teaser.

Words cannot express how excited I am.  I've been saving up as much money as I can, and when people ask what I want for my birthday, all I can say is money for Dragon Con (still ain't cheap, even though I just got a one-day pass).  I'll probably miss a lot of the festivities of the con by waiting in line for Jason-related stuff, and I'll likely not get to see everyone else on my list, but I don't care.  It's Jason.  My favorite actor ever.

I'm.

so.

stoked.

Continuing.

I've spent five months not knowing how to write another blog entry.  I've tried and failed multiple times, but nothing has felt right.  It's five months ago today that my brother died, which seems hard to believe, because that feels like both no time at all and an eternity.  But we keep going.  We're not moving on, but we're continuing, which is all we can really do.  And it's what Michael would want us to do.

Lots has happened in the past four months since my last entry.  We adopted two new guinea pigs, Marigold and Elvira, who come with their own set of maintenance since they're what breeders call "silkies," which means they have super long hair that needs to be brushed and trimmed regularly.  They're about the same age as Eleanor and Lucy (three), and they certainly have their own personalities.  They're definitely less timid than the other two, and aren't afraid to make their displeasure known if they want vegetables and you fail to provide them in a timely manner.  It was stressful for the first few days that we had them, not knowing if the four of them would be able to get along, but now it's as if they've always been together.  Thank God, because we don't have the space for two separate cages.

In early March, I went down to Georgia to celebrate my little sister Mary's eleventh (holy crap) birthday.  We had a super fun time at Sky Zone, an indoor trampoline park, and then at an actual outdoor park.  If there's one single positive thing that has come from losing Michael, it's the realization that I need to spend time with my family more, which has led to me promising to try to go down to Georgia for everyone's birthdays.  I was off to a good start, but I wasn't able to go down for Jackson's and Momma's birthdays since Jay got sick suddenly, but I already have plans to go back down again this summer.

Something super exciting happened in early April: Bruno Pelletier came to Columbus, Ohio for his second performance in the U.S.  (The first was back in 2009 in Los Angeles which I was, obviously, unable to attend.)  Naturally, I was super stoked since Columbus is only six hours from me, as opposed to the usual twenty by car.  In order to break up the trip, I drove up to Kentucky to spend a couple nights with my mom and sister and then drive the four hours to Columbus.  It meant a longer trip, but it didn't seem as bad with a couple nights of sleep in between.  It was the first time I had ever driven myself to one of Bruno's shows, as every other time I was either driven by someone else, or I took public transportation.  It was almost like coming full circle, spending some time with my mom, sister, and aunts before seeing Bruno the next day, hearkening back to 2008 and 2009 when I lived there before school and obsessed over Bruno's music 24/7, desperate to see him perform.  And then there I was, ten years later, getting ready to see him in the U.S., already having seen him perform a whopping ten times in concern, plus other interactions outside of his shows.  Pretty nifty, if I do say so myself.

A little while later, I bought a new car: a 2018 Honda CR-V.  Maybe it's a "mom car," but I don't care.  It's cute and its name is Marshmallow.  It's also the first new car I've ever had, as B.B., my Chevrolet Aveo5 was a 2009 and Lokia, my Kia Soul ! was a 2015.  Of course, it's already got over 3,000 miles on it because I've driven it down to Georgia once and I drive at least 190 miles a week, but that's beside the point.

Also in April, I finished the novel I've been working on for four years, The Edge of the Ocean.  It still needs a lot of editing, but the fact that I've written twenty chapters and almost 100,000 words over a period of four years is still pretty awesome.

On April 22, Michael would have turned 27.  Jay and I went down to Georgia for the day to spend time with my family.  We started out by getting lunch with Sarah, Jesse, and Sarah's husband, TJ, before Sarah and I went and got tattoos together in honor of Michael.  After that, we met up with our parents, and Jackson and Mary to paint ceramic things since Michael was an artist.

Kat and I have also made plans to go see Josh Groban and Idina Menzel in Nashville this October.  I am SO excited, as I've never seen Josh before, nor Idina.  Kat and Lauren saw Josh back in 2011, just before I moved out to Missouri, and now it's finally my turn!  EEEEE!!

In about a week-and-a-half, Lauren and Kat are going to come stay with me for a few days, a spur-of-the-moment decision due to Lauren having a bunch of extra vacation days that she'll lose if she doesn't use them before the end of June.  So, of course, I'm happy to help with that!

A friend of mine, Jordan, whom I met during my brief stay in Georgia when I was sixteen, is getting married at the end of June, and I'll be driving down to attend!  Around this time, my mom and sister will also be moving in with Jay and me while they hunt for apartments in the Shelbyville area.  Yay for free guinea pig-sitters!

The Atlanta Comic-Con is happening in July, and Jay and I will be attending as part of an early birthday present for me.  We shall be meeting Matthew Lewis (Neville Longbottom from the Harry Potter films), Sean Astin (Samwise Gamgee from The Lord of the Rings, and Jim Cummings (the voice of every character you can ever think of, such as Winnie the Pooh, Tigger, and Pete the cat).

In August, Emily and I are going to drive up to visit our family in Michigan for a few days.  Aaaand in early November, Lauren, Kat, and I are going to visit the Wizarding World of Harry Potter together!  SQUEE!  (Yes, I have wanderlust; I am unable to stay home for more than a few months at a time.)

That's about it for now.  I'm sure there will be more.  Keep noodling.

Michael.

The new year didn’t begin at all like how I thought it would. I had intended to write my traditional last post of the year “highlighting” everything that happened throughout 2017, just like I always do. Because even though time passes, and we get older, and things change, we never really expect things to really change. Maybe we’ll start college in another state, or we’ll get a new job, or we’ll move to a new country, or we’ll get married. I had an amazing year. I got a great new job and I married the man I love. But then things can change in the blink of an eye, leaving you stunned and wondering what it was like to feel happy in the first place.

On Friday, December 29, 2017, my older brother, Michael Hamill, died. He was 26, like me. Finding out that I lost my brother is a memory that is going to be burned into my mind for the rest of my life. I was at work. I picked up the phone and heard my father heave a long sigh. And time seemed to slow, because I just knew that by the end of that sigh, nothing would be the same again. But I never imagined that it would be because I had lost my brother. Two days later, my oldest sister, Dawn, and I were down in Georgia. The funeral wasn’t until the following Saturday, but we wanted to be there and do whatever we could, even though we knew there wasn’t much. Wednesday, January 3 was my husband’s twenty-fifth birthday. It was also the day I saw my brother’s body for the first time.

At work the next two days, I might have seemed fine to the casual observer. I smiled a bit, and laughed a little, but the second I was left alone, all I could think about was Michael. I could feel his presence all around me, and the loss of him was crushing, like there was a big weight on my chest that I couldn’t remove. On the fifth, exactly a week after he died, I could only get through half the day. A picture of him on Instagram sent me spiraling. Just a picture

The next day, my father’s birthday, was my brother’s funeral. It was held at the Mormon church my family attended. Theo and I drove down together, followed by Dawn, and met up with our grandparents, who had flown down from Michigan. I had never been to a funeral before. I had been to a couple memorials, both held at Mormon churches, but never one with a viewing, and certainly never one for a family member; I had been unable to attend either my great-grandmother’s funeral when I was little, nor my uncle’s memorial in 2012.

At the funeral, we celebrated my brother’s life. We remembered him and we loved him. It was easily one of the most difficult days of my life, sitting in the front pew, directly in front of his casket, with my other siblings, my parents, and my grandparents. I listened to my grandmother give his eulogy and my mother speak about Michael, her firstborn child. I signed my name on a board, along with everyone else. I plucked a rose from his casket. I touched his hand, told him I loved him, and said goodbye.

It’s been almost three weeks since he died and two weeks since the funeral, and the crushing weight his absence has left hasn’t dissipated in the slightest. I miss him. I keep forgetting he’s not here anymore. I’m surrounded by people who look at me with pity for a moment, but then quickly change the subject, as if they’re afraid I’ll burst into tears on their shoulder. People ask probing questions under the guise of concern, but what really just seems like morbid curiosity. I stress about the amount of work I’ve missed. Life is continuing for everyone else but him. We plan our futures, plan the addition of two new guinea pigs, but he’s always there in the back of my mind. Always. I’m laughing at some joke Theo said, but then I’m passing Michael’s picture hanging in the hallway, and I stop, my eyes drawn immediately to his face. And the pain returns, burning even more than before.

There are nine of us siblings. Dawn, David, Emily, Michael, Ashlee, Sarah, Jesse, Jackson, and Mary. Nine. There was never supposed to be a world in which one of us didn’t exist. Or, at least, not for a very, very long time. But now one of us is gone and the rest of us have to try to find a way to move on without him. There will always be nine, but it’ll never be the same again.

Michael, I love you. I know I didn’t tell you that enough. I know we didn’t talk enough. There aren’t any pictures of just us two. I love you, and I miss you, and I want so badly to wake up and find out that this has all been a nightmare. I’m trying to keep on living my life, but it’s hard. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I know I’ll see you again, but it’s hard to know that it’ll be a long time before that happens. You were such an amazing, kind, loving person. I feel so lucky to count you as my brother.

Michael Paul Hamill. April 22, 1991 - December 29, 2017.

Weddings, honeymoons, Evanescence, a new job, Montréal, and hockey, oh my!

Okay, so it's been two months since I last updated, but if you'd like to know what I've been doing since my twenty-sixth birthday, you need only read the title of this entry.

1. The main thing (I suppose), is that I got married!  On September 30, 2017 in Wartrace, Tennessee, Jay and I said "I do" before our friends and family.  Most of my paternal family was able to come down from Michigan, as did my dad and most of my siblings up from Georgia, as well as my mom, sister, and aunt, and my second family in Missouri.  It was an amazing day, and none of it would have been possible without my amazing parents-in-law, Ted and Pam.  They're practically perfect in every way.  It was a beautiful, cloudless day, and it was a crackin' good time.  It was also nice just to spend time with my friends and family who live super far away.

2. A week after the wedding, Jay and I left for our honeymoon!  It was amazing.  Times ten.  We spent the first day driving down to Orlando, and then the next three days were at DISNEY WORLD!  Sigh.  I miss it.  Then, after a day at New Smyrna Beach on the east coast, we were off to Universal Studios.  Though we explored the Jurassic Park portion (duh), the main reason for going was, of course, the Wizarding World of Harry Potter.  And while we loved it, I don't think it quite measured up to the epicness that is Disney World.  But it was still awesome!

3. About a week-and-a-half after we got back from the honeymoon, we headed up to Nashville to see Evanescence!  I hadn't seen them since 2012 (I say "them," but Amy Lee is the only member who was in the band during that concert in St. Louis who is still with them), so it was awesome to see them again.  It was completely different from their usual tour in that they were accompanied by a symphony from Nashville.  A lot of people don't like the new album, but I love it!

4. A little while later, I got a job!  I now work as a service cashier at the Honda dealership in Murfreesboro.  There's more to it than just using a register to cash people out, and I rather enjoy it.  The best part is the people I work with - they're all nuts.

5. Back in April (I think), when I still worked in hell--I mean, my previous place of employment--I purchased concert and plane tickets for one of Bruno Pelletier's shows near Montréal.  Karen drove up from NJ and she met me at the airport.  I spent literally 25 hours in Québec, but it was unforgettable.  We interviewed Bruno before the show for the American fanclub, had super close seats in the front row, and then I was picked to choose one of the last songs of the evening from a super cool box.  It was incredible.

6. Aaaand on November 22, Jay and I headed back to Nashville, this time for my very first hockey game!  I've always loved hockey (it's in my blood), but this was the first time I'd ever been able to see a game live.  It was the Nashville Predators vs. the Montréal Canadiens, my favorite team.  The Habs (the Canadiens' nickname) lost, but it was still really close and super fun.  Now the Habs are playing the Detroit Red Wings (my family team and my second-favorite team) tonight, so I'ma try to watch it!

Aaaand, that's literally about it.  I have a job, which is a huge load off my mind, Christmas is coming, and tomorrow is my mommy's birthday!  Yay!

Round up to 30

Look at me actually remembering to post a blog entry before the end of the month.  Okay, stop looking, I'm shy.

August has been interesting to say the least.  It's the best month of the world, namely because it's my birthday month and also the birthday month of Lauren and Kat, who are eleven and ten days older than me respectively.  (I still think it's the coolest thing in the world that the three of us are so close in age.)  It started off with me neck-deep in a Harry Potter obsession.  (Obviously, it never goes away, but I go through cycles of being obsessed with different things, usually Harry Potter and Titanic.)  I blame Lauren.  Lauren has been drowning in Harry Potter, more so than usual, for months and months and months, and then she grabbed my ankle and pulled me down with her.

The weird thing is that I really can't focus on one "fandom" at a time (though I don't consider Titanic to be a fandom).  I've finally been writing again, but I can't write both my Harry Potter fanfiction and my historical novel (with a smidge of the movie Titanic fanfiction) at the same time.  I know, I've tried.  Hard.  I was wading through my novel, The Edge of the Ocean, and writing quite regularly when Harry Potter reared its beautiful head and pulled me back into the wizarding world.  As per usual, though, it started to fade away, replaced with, you guessed it, Titanic.  So here I am.

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

On August 7, I drove about seven-or-eight hours northwest to Missouri.  It was the first time I had been back in a year, though I had seen Lauren and Kat this past March when they came to see me here in Tennessee.  The plan was originally a half-joke by Kat, who asked if we wanted to go see Halestorm at the MO State Fair again, as we did three years ago.  I don't think she was expecting Lauren and I to reply with a resounding, "Hell yeah!"  Originally, I had planned to take Friday off of work and drive up Thursday night after I got off, but because I am currently an unemployed bum, I was able to go earlier in the week to spend more time with Kat and mooch off of her at her apartment.

Mostly we hung around Hannibal, but while she was working on Wednesday I drove up to Kirksville; I can't seem to resist my second-favorite town in the world and the place where my life changed: Truman.  I miss Truman a lot, especially with school starting for everyone else but me.  It was nice to walk around the campus and see the town, but of course, it wasn't the same.  I did get to meet up with my favorite professor and boss, Ron, who showed me around Baldwin, the old disease-filled building that was finally renovated.  I can't help but be a bit bitter that I lived in Baldwin and inhaled its mold and cockroaches, and the year after I graduate, they close it down, and by the next year, it's open and super fancy.  The new language labs are amazing and the peer teaching areas make me want to cry.  Ron was showing me the new labs (I worked in the old ones for two-and-a-half years and often spent my time there in between classes) and I saw a sign I had made and stuck to the printer, probably three years ago.  It made me far too happy to see that it was still there.  Later, as we were walking around McClain, we stopped by the bulletin board for the French department and there were several pictures of me in it, whether from Pi Delta Phi or the French immersion weekend.

I commented, "I know it's silly, but it's nice to see that there is still some small remnant of me here."

Ron replied, "Ashlee, as long as I'm working here, there will always be a remnant of you here."

AWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!

Seriously, that means the world to me.

Anyway, moving on.

Lauren arrived in Hannibal on Thursday evening.  How the town did not explode with the three of us in one place again is beyond me.  Friday was Halestorm day!  We went to see Lauren's dad and stepmom before driving the two-and-a-half hours to Sedalia for the concert.  This time, we knew what to expect and didn't arrive nearly as early as we did three years ago.  Last time, we ended up wandering around the fair for hours for nothing to do.  This time, we arrived with enough time to get some food, walk around once, and then go take our seats, which was perfect.

Speaking of our seats, we were in the second row!  It was absolutely incredible.  And though the first time had been amazing, this time was a thousand times better.  This time, there was no chainlink fence in front of us (the stadium is a dirt track) and we were so close to Lzzy and Joe, the lead guitarist.  Gooood, it was incredible.  Definitely one of the best concerts I've ever been to, hands down.

On Saturday, we continued our tradition (though it had been three years since we had done it) of going up to St. Louis to celebrate our birthdays!  Lauren's mom and stepdad were kind enough to drive us (and our friend, Liz, who is living in Armenia and whom Kat and I hadn't seen in three years since she graduated from Truman) up to St. Louis and take us to lunch.  After our usual meal at the Cheesecake Factory, we wandered around the mall, and in general had a jolly good time.

The original plan had been for Lauren and I both to head home on Sunday morning, buuut we didn't, so we decided to leave on Monday.  We spent some more time with her dad and stepmom before meeting up with Kat after she got off work that night.  On Monday, we went our separate ways.

When I got to Tennessee, everyone's full focus was on the upcoming solar eclipse, for which we were extremely close to the path of totality.  But we were out of luck in terms of getting glasses.  However, Jay (my fiancé; his whole family calls him "Jay" and because I met him after he started going by "Theo," I was the only one to call him at family gatherings, so I have decided to stop that) managed to snag a couple of pairs from work.  Score!

Or is it?

The day before the eclipse, my mom called and asked if she could borrow my glasses.  Let me tell you, I was a mite confused, as she didn't mention the eclipse, so I just assumed she wanted to borrow my actual glasses, which is weird.  But no, she was jokingly asking about the eclipse glasses because she and Emily had none and Emily's really into astronomy and wanted to see it.

Y'all know how I often do spontaneous things, like surprise my mom and dad, or leave Montréal a day early to surprise Theo--crap, I mean Jay--, or make a snap decision to travel to Missouri for a concert?  Well, I get it from my mother.  The plan was made for my mom and Emily to drive down from Kentucky to spend a few days here with us for the eclipse since I had both glasses and a means to get us to the actual path of totality, i.e. Murfreesboro.  So they left at about six o'clock my time and arrived about midnight.  It was awesome.

The next day, I lost the eclipse glasses.  Boy, was I upset.  We had intended to drive to the MTSU campus, which was having events and music and all that fun stuff, but we decided to go instead to the Stones River Battlefield, as they were giving away free pairs of eclipse glasses to the first 2,500 people who showed up.  And because we actually wanted to see the eclipse during the partial phases, that's where we went.  We arrived at eight, to make sure we got glasses, but we probably didn't have to.  It was a long, hot day, but by the time the eclipse happened, it was totally worth it.

Since then, I turned 26 on the 29th.  I've decided I'm in my late twenties, which is horrifying, because I can round my age up to 30.  Jay points out that I could have done that last year, too, and that 24, 25, and 26 are my mid-twenties, while 27, 28, and 29 are my late twenties.  He may be right, but it's too late for me to admit it now.

Noswaith dda

Apparently the title means "good evening" in Welsh.  I didn't know that.  I know how to say "good morning" (bore da) and "good afternoon" (prynhawn da), but Duolingo hasn't yet taught me to say "good evening," despite the fact that it is in fact evening.  Oh, well.

I also forgot to write in here for June, aaaand I don't really care.  Moving on.

The big news as of late is that I quit my job for different reasons.  I am currently jobless, which sucks, but I've had a couple of interviews, so hopefully something comes along soon.  If all of your appendages could remained twisted into a pretzel-like fashion, that would be great.  Thanks oodles.

The reason the blog title is in Welsh is because I've decided to finally sit down and learn Welsh.  I've been interested in the language for years and years, but I never really had a method to do so until it arrived on Duolingo.  (No, I didn't have Duolingo to learn French on my own, but there are so few speakers of Welsh that there aren't many other websites to use like there are for French.)  There's not a particular reason for me to learn Welsh - with French it was to understand lyrics, but it developed into a lifelong passion - other than the fact that I love studying languages.  I hate that I only know two - as a lover of languages, that is really not enough.  I've dabbled in Russian, Italian, Esperanto, and ASL, but I really want to make an effort with Welsh.  So, yeah, I'm doing that.

Oh, yeah - other big news.  Theo was in a car accident and his Mustang was totaled.  A sixteen-year-old was driving his new-to-him Chevy truck and not paying attention when he slammed into Theo, who was stopped due to, ironically, an accident further down the road.  The back of the Mustang was actually not toooo horrible, but he was pushed into the back of a Lexus, which completely smushed the front end.  The Lexus was then pushed into the back of a Mercedes.  So this poor sixteen-year-old kid (with no insurance) finally gets a truck and hits a Mustang, a Lexus, and a Mercedes all in one go.  Nice.  Way to multitask.  So while we're both upset about the loss of the Mustang, Theo now has a Ford Fusion.  'Tis quite a nice little car (but obvs not the same).

The weekend after the accident, I drove down to Georgia for my sister, Sarah's, wedding to her long-time fiancé, TJ.  It was magical and romantic, and I'm quite happy for those two crazy kids.  I got to see my grandparents, my dad and stepmom, and my siblings, and it was a wonderful time.  And I get to see them all in September!  Now that Sarah's wedding is over, I feel like my own wedding is looming.  So. much. planning.  Gulp.

That's about it.  I'm tired.  Noodles.

May'd It!

Get it?  Because it's May?  DO YOU GET IT?!

Anyway.  The day before June starts, I remembered that I hadn't posted an entry for this month yet.  Oops.  I had actually been planning on making a video entry, but I got lazy.  So there's that.  At the moment, I am home from work, as I have been feeling crummy (to put it mildly) for about a week.  And so, in desperate need of some recuperation, me voilà.

The biggest thing that happened in May was the adoption of our two guinea pigs, Eleanor Pigby and Lucy Diamond.  We actually got them on May 1, so their first "monthaversary" is tomorrow.  We rather love them.  At the moment, they're on the other side of the room behind me, chutting happily (it's a sort of squeaking noise that happy piggies make), munching on hay and running around their cage.  (Speaking of which, I need to change the bedding for that today.  Sigh.)

Getting a guinea pig is something that has been on my mind for a few years now.  I used to want a hamster when I was little, but found out that they had a tendency to bite (hard), and we always had cats when I was growing up, so getting a rodent was never really an option.  Lauren, one half of my bestest friends, had had several throughout her life, and constantly insisted to me how amazing they were, but my response was always along the lines of “Okay, honey.”  I didn’t actually meet a guinea pig until a few years ago, a lovely Abyssinian (really long hair) chap by the name of Scooter at her dad and step-mom’s farm.  I fell in love with him and immediately gained the desire for a guinea pig of my own.  While I was in Montréal, I actually entertained the idea of getting one (when I was still intending on staying for the rest of my life), but then I did some research and found out that they needed a lot more space than what they’re given at pet stores (or even the cages that are sold there), and that they really do a lot better with at least one other guinea pig since they’re very social critters, unless you can be there with it almost constantly.  So gave up on the idea, but when I moved in with Theo, he agreed to entertain the idea.

Now, there may be some among you (whoever “you” are) who wonder: what about our cat?  In September, not long after I moved in, we adopted a cat from the local shelter and named her Sylvanas.  Three weeks later, I announced that we had returned her with little explanation other than insisting that it was a personal decision and nothing that she had done.  Someone even commented that I shouldn’t have adopted a cat if I hadn’t been planning on keeping her.  Over the months, I had thought about writing about what happened, but resisted.  Now that we have two more pets, though, I figured it was time.  Let me start by saying this: Sylvanas was an amazing kitty.  She was extremely affectionate, and though she had been a stray, she warmed up to us very quickly, and insisted upon snuggling, purring, and kneading our legs the moment we sat down.  We adored her and we still miss her, and not a day goes by that I don’t feel guilty about what happened.  I wish she was here, however, I don’t regret giving her up.

I’ve thought about going into great detail about what happened; I even wrote it all out.  Eventually, though, I changed my mind, mainly because I don’t owe anyone anything.  It’s just that the comment that that one person made has always stayed on my mind.  The thing is, though, is that we always planned on keeping her.  It wasn’t as if we went to the shelter with the idea, “Hey, let’s adopt a cat, and if we like it, we’ll keep it!”  No, we fully intended to keep Sylvanas for the rest of her life.  So why didn’t we?  It was because of nothing she did; as I said before, she was an extremely sweet, loving cat.  We didn’t keep her because my anxiety, which had been lying dormant since returning from Montréal, flared up with a vengeance, and every day I was reduced to panic and anxiety attacks.  It was the first time in my life that I decided to put my mental health first instead of shoving it under the rug, and I did it because I knew Sylvanas deserved better.  I wanted her to be happy and loved with a family who could give her the amount of time and attention she needed and deserved.  So we did what we thought was best.  And all I can do is hope that she was adopted by a family who gives her the love and attention she deserves?

Does this make me a bad person?  I don’t think so, though I do still feel guilty about what happened.  As my anxiety has lessened, we decided we were ready for guinea pigs.  And so far, so good!  We love them.  They’re a bit shy, but I can relate, so it all works out.

In other news, Theo and I drove up to Kentucky over Memorial Day weekend to give my mom B.B., my little yellow car, as I now have my Kia Soul.  Theo got to meet my Aunt Carol for the first time, and we all got to hang out, and it was just dandy.

April showers can just shove off

It may be quite shocking to hear that I haven’t had much time to write since I started working.  Surprising, right?  Well, it’s true.  Basically, my schedule is this: I wake up at 5:45 in the morning and I may or may not get up within the next thirty minutes.  I get ready, including my lunch for the day, and I’m out the door by 6:50.  Depending on the direction I take and the traffic, I’ll arrive at work anywhere from 7:20 to 7:45.  I take an hour-long lunch at noon (I could start working at 8:30 instead of 8:00 and only have a thirty-minute lunch, but I needs that extra thirty minutes to chill), and I ‘m on my way home at 5.  I usually get home from 5:45 to 6, again depending on which route I take and how much traffic there is.  The most shocking part is probably the fact that I’m usually always in bed by 10.  I’ve just been so tired lately that I don’t have much of a choice.  If I went to bed any later, I’d be a zombie all throughout the next day, and I don’t think the CEO wants a zombie as an exec assistant.  So since I get home at 6 and start getting ready for bed around 9:00 to 9:30, I only have about three hours or so to actually exist.  Hence the lack of writing or doing, well, anything.

Just now, I was trying to think if anything interesting has happened in April, and then I remembered: oh yeah, I bought a new car and drove up to Kentucky.  Oops.

Okay, so the car isn’t new, but she’s new to me, and she’s newer than my Aveo.  It’s a 2015 Kia Soul, and she’s magical.  Her name is Lokia, but she also goes by The Biggest Blackest Box (ever play Cards Against Humanity?) or just The Box.  You might have guessed by now that she’s black and box-shaped.  I love her.  I also love my 2009 Chevy Aveo, but we’ve decided to drive up to Kentucky over Memorial Day to give her to my mom and sister, since they desperately need a car.

So once Lokia was all situated with insurance and stuff, I decided to go up to Kentucky to spend Easter with said mom and sister.  It was nice seeing them, especially since it had been almost five months since they were down here for Thanksgiving.  Mom and I went to church in Pikeville on Easter Sunday and I got to see some people from the Pikeville Branch that I haven’t seen in years.

In other news, Theo and I have been preparing for a new addition to our family!  No, I’m not pregnant, so get that out of your mind right now.  I posted a couple of “teaser” pictures of fleece fabric and some wire grid squares, and then the squares actually forming the cage, but no one actually guessed guinea pigs!  Theo and I went to the sanctuary (they keep rabbits, guinea pigs, ducks, and chickens) in Franklin yesterday to meet the piggies and see if we would fall in love with any, and we did!  We fell hard for two sisters, Eleanor Pigby and Lucy Diamond (yes, those are their real names).  We had considered renaming them, but we realized that, as they’re two years old and they already respond to the names “Eleanor” and “Lucy,” it’s really not beneficial to change them.  So they shall stay as Eleanor and Lucy forever!  It turns out that the two girls have been adopted twice in the past and returned, first due to allergies and then because the couple had a baby and didn’t want guinea pigs and their new child.  Poor little things.  So Theo and I will be giving them the forever home that they deserve.  We’ve reserved them and we have two weeks to get everything ready, from the cage, to their bedding (hence the fleece), a food bowl, a water bowl, a carrier, treats, and some toys.  I’m so excited to finally bring them home!  I’m in love with them already.  We’ve already started working on plans for where they’ll go when Theo and I are on our honeymoon (Peaches is the best), and we’re going to be as prepared as possible.

Happy birthday!

It’s almost the end of the month and I’m just now getting around to writing in my blog.  Oops.  I seem to be doing that a lot more recently, but I think it’s mainly so I can wait until about the end and then talk about everything that happened.  That, and I guess there’s no point in writing in the middle of the month unless something monumental happens, like I find a four-leaf clover or something.

But something did happen this month… what was it…?  Oh, yeah!  Lauren and Kat came to visit!  It was magical!  Kat drove over from Hannibal and Lauren flew down into Nashville from Wisconsin!  Then Kat picked up Lauren from the airport, and we all met in Murfreesboro for dinner, and was the most magical time ever.  We hung out, laughed, had fun, made wedding plans, and were basically our silly little selves.  They stayed for about a week… Kat drove out the following Saturday and we took Lauren to the airport on Sunday.  Now they’re gone and I have the sads.

While they were here, I finally started hearing back from a couple places about job potential.  They weren’t interviews, but they were questionnaires following up my application.  A couple days after I had submitted them, I heard back from one of the places and got an interview scheduled for the following Monday!  It was my first interview, and I was immensely nervous, especially because I knew how unlikely it was for me to get a job on my very first try.  (Okay, it wasn’t my first “try,” since I had applied to a lot of different places, but this was the first place that actually wanted anything beyond an initial phone interview or e-mail questionnaire.)  So, I went to the interview in Murfreesboro, met Theo for lunch in Franklin at Panera, and received word that night that they wanted to hire me!  I had said my availability was to start immediately, so on Tuesday, I headed into my first bona fide job!  I work as an executive assistant to the two CEOs of a healthcare company, and so far, I really like it!  I’m also making more than they offered in the initial listing!  Weeee!

So, what else is new, you may ask?  Well, today is a very special day.  Why?  It’s my grandma’s birthday!  She’s turning 72 today!  I may have only been her granddaughter for 25 of those years, but I know she’s pretty amazing.  My grandmother has always been there for us, every single one of her grandchildren, whether they live across town or across the country.  I have never felt unloved or unwanted or any less “special” to my grandparents because I grew up so far away from them.  My grandparents have never forgotten a birthday, a Christmas, never fail to tell me how much they love me and how proud they are of me.  I feel so lucky and blessed to have been given such amazing grandparents, and I honestly don’t know what I’d do or where I’d be without them.  I love you both!  Happy birthday, Grandma!!

Just in time.

Sometimes we're glad when we have that annual realization that, hey, February only has twenty-eight (or twenty-nine) days in it!  So maybe that means that a dreadful month is over a lot more quickly, maybe it means you get paid sooner, but maybe it also means that your bills are do sooner, you have a loan payment coming up more quickly than you thought, or just maybe you have less time to post a blog entry than you usually do.  For me, you might've guessed that the latter is the case for me.  But hey, it's the twenty-seventh and here I am.  Boom.

February was been... interesting.  The Habitat for Humanity Ball happened on the 11th, and Theo and I got to be all fancy and go drink cocktails and dance and eat fancy brie-stuffed-chicken.  I also got a new, red dress, which was obviously the best part for me.  But it was soops fun!  I quite enjoyed myself, being the Cinderella-in-disguise that I am.

Theo's friend, Cody, is staying with us for about a week while he moves out of his apartment and into the house that he's in the process of buying.  It's all fun and games, y'know, until we started helping him move.  My calves hurt.  Or, as I have constantly been saying, my baby cows hurt.  I'm hilarious.

And what happens next month, you may ask?

LAUREN AND KAT ARE COMING!!  I'm beyond excited.  I simply cannot even.  #basicwhitegirl  I just I just I just.  They're perfect and precious and they're my best friends and I'm so excited to spend a week with them.  They'll be here less than a week from today.  I CANNOT WAIT.

Also, I learned that I was chosen to help sell merchandise at Vanessa Carlton's upcoming show in Nashville on March 19.  EEEEE!!!

"Happy" 2017?

The new year doth begin in a haze of confusion and stress, so sayeth I.  Ugh.    So my original plan to start classes at MTSU next week pretty much fell through due to a multitude of things, such as the school being utterly ridiculous in terms of trying to help post-bac transfer students figure stuff out, the fact that I would be able to take one single class this semester and forced to take at least three other "fluff" classes in order to reach full-time status and thus receive financial aid, and the fact that B.B., my 2009 Chevy Aveo, is a sick little car.  

My poor darling.

Ah, my darling B.B.  Poor thing has a number of problems, some prioritizing others, and at the moment, it wouldn't be prudent to take her to and from Murfreesboro (about twenty to thirty minutes one way) on a daily basis.  She desperately needed an oil change, so we got that done, but Pennzoil told us that she has some other issues that need to be taken care of, which require going to a mechanic for one set of problems and a tire place for another.  Sigh.  We'll take her in this Saturday to check out prices, something I'm reeeeally looking forward to.  Immensely.

Have I ever mentioned I hate being an adult?

It's only twelve days into the new year and already I feel impossibly drained, yet at the same time, with school no longer looming over my head, I do feel a slight sense of calm.  Just a slight one, but it's something, at least.  It also forces me to focus more on the wedding this October, which is particularly terrifying in terms of figuring out budget and everything.  People keep asking me, so I will say that we do have a date set, but it's not being announced until we've 100% decided on and/or reserved a venue, just in case something needs to change.  But yes.  October of this year. (AHHHH I'M GETTING MARRIED THIS YEAR.)

That's really about it.  Theo and I are totally nerds, geeks, and dorks in that we're part of a group that gets together weekly at a board game shop in Murfreesboro to play Dungeons & Dragons.  And you know what?  I FEEL NO SHAME.  It's super fun and it's nice stress release to just sit for a few hours and pretend I'm an adorable, 2'10" lute-playing, storytelling halfling warlock named Kithri.  It also makes me want to binge watch The Lord of the Rings, but I don't really have the attention span for such a feat.

Also, y'all need to know that I have the most wonderful, understanding, supportive fiancé ever and that I do not deserve him.  Seriously, he's the best.  And he's mine.  Neener neener.